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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The only thing I’ll add here is if you do not pay for the wedding (or contribute a substantial amount), the couple is under no obligation to invite your guests. So, no, if the couple is paying your coworkers aren’t coming. Your cousin who isn’t close to your kid isn’t coming. The guest list is entirely up to the couple.

If you contribute you are now the hosts and can dictate the guest list to some extent. [/quote]

That was one reason dh and I paid for our own wedding.  My parents decided to cover the alcohol, IL's paid for the Limo.  (Something dh had to have.)

The guest list was ours.[/quote]

My parents have paid for our wedding 15 years ago. But they started adding and adding lists of people they wanted to invite. My brother and sister each had over 150 people at their weddings (my brother’s was over 200) and we didn’t want that at all. It felt like a waste of money and not who we are. My parents kept saying “don’t worry about it” but I had a specific vibe and budget in mind. Our guests would have to be in multiple rooms if we went too big.  I finally told my mom “I want to walk up to every person at my wedding and give them a huge hug and say ‘it means so much to me (or DH) that you’re here today.’ If we can’t say that, they shouldn’t be there.” Ultimately we had 80 people at our wedding of whom 40 were my large family, 10 were DH’s family, and the rest were a mix of our friends and parents’ friends. I didn’t know the minister’s wife and it was the first time I met the man my good friend eventually married, but otherwise either my husband or I knew everyone well. My mom still talks about how much she liked the size of our wedding. It was incredibly generous of them and I still appreciate it - we certainly would have done something different if we were paying while still grad students - but it did mean we had to make more decisions jointly.

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