Reply to Husband cheated with high school sweetheart

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] This post has some good advice in it. The bold is NOT among the good advice. OP should not descend to the AP's low, low level. Plus: The effort OP would spend on finding out how to tell the AP's husband is effort OP should be spending on other things like talking to a lawyer and a therapist and doing the self-care the PP rightly advocates.

Also, OP, you do not owe this PP, or any of us here, any further details about the other woman or her marriage etc. At all. Nope. [/quote]

I think you are wrong.  If there is another betrayed spouse in this scenario, OP should tell that husband.  This isn’t to punish the AP (even though she deserves it), but to inform the other spouse of the truth of their own life, allow them to protect their own health (much like multiple posters have advised OP to have STD testing) and, in the event OP wants to try and reconcile with her spouse, having two sets of eyes on the situation is helpful.  The betrayed spouses can also compare notes on the stories they are being told.  Not the point of telling at all, but  actions have consequences- why protect the AP?  OP doesn’t tell to be vindictive, she should tell because people deserve to know the truths of their own lives.[/quote]

It's not "protecting the AP" to choose not to tell the husband. It's protecting OP's own self. OP would have to take the time to find out how to contact him, make that contact, risk having him spew vitriol at her if he doesn't believe her (or even if he does) and gets angry with her, etc. As for "two sets of eyes on the situation," OP can't know if the husband would keep eyes on it or even believe her. And talk of consequences for the AP, via telling her husband--it's sorely tempting to want to create those consequences but I thnk the effort and time OP would spend on it is effort and time OP should be spending on herself.

I actually prefer the idea of both spouses knowing everything. But I think that the effort to tell the other wronged spouse could be damaging to OP. I get the idea that "people deserve to know the truths of their own lives" but certainly right now and for a while to come, OP has to focus on herself, their kids and what she will do next in her own life. I'm not saying the AP should be let off the hook but I think OP's needs trump contacting the DH, even if he objectively really does deserve to know. (If there is one. I can't recall if there's any post saying the other woman is married in this specific case.)

I do think STDs are one reason to tell the husband no matter what so Im a bit conflicted. Maybe wait until one's own test results are back. 
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