Reply to S/O What Do You Expect Your Sex-Starved Spouse to Do?

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Reply to "S/O What Do You Expect Your Sex-Starved Spouse to Do?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Bull. How do you know sex with other people is different and unsatisfying if you haven't cheated? You say you crave sex with your husband but are you really saying you don't fantasize about other men? About people you meet? You aren't tempted? I just don't buy it. I mean, you can choose not to cheat but I think it's a cop out to pretend that some one else's penis would be OH SO TERRIBLE and NOT EVEN SEXUALLY SATISFYING based on conjecture. Isn't this the same crap where people pretend that they don't notice other good looking people when they get married? Maybe it would be not amazing but better than nothing. What about some flirting or online sex? You have to rationalize that you don't want other men so that you don't really have to consider infidelity.

I think I'm just reacting against the passivity in the posts. People have lots of options but choose not to exercise them. You choose not to force your partner to counseling, you choose not to threaten divorce (not even for leverage, cos you don't want to "hurt anyone"), you choose not to cheat, you choose to stay married, you choose not to indulge in a bit of harmless online flirtation/web sex. But then it's like woe is me! I have NO OPTIONS. I stay for the KIDS. You have plenty but you choose not to exercise any of them.

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I think you are reacting against something that has nothing to do with me and my situation. I don't believe I ever badmouthed anyone else's penis, or pretended I don't notice good-looking people.  It's a hell of a leap to infer all of that from my saying that I don't cheat.  But you are right in that I am not considering infidelity but I don't think my refusal to do this comes from faked conviction in ugliness of all males in the 5-mile radius. There's more to sexual fidelity than the feeling that your husband is Mr. Universe. And I flirt with all males around me but I never considered online sex even remotely satisfying or attractive.

And I also think that in your misguided rage against people who don't "exercise their options", you overlook the fact that staying is a choice, and an option, and it gets exercised.  You just don't agree with it, which is ok with me.

Let's say I did cheat.  Would that suddenly create more intimacy between husband and me? Would it make my marriage better? Would it remove the gnawing inside? Would it stop me from wanting my husband to want me? I don't think so.  So let's not pretend that you know my heart better than I do. [/quote]

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