Reply to Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are reading too much into this. I’m the distant relative and when my dad had his first stroke, I took the wait and see approach. When he had the second, I was in the hospital for 4 days and nights relieving my brothers, and was there every week after that. What good would it have done for me to rush down and all of us be exhausted? They handled it and then tapped me in so they could attend to their work and families. Then I left and did the same.. Parental health issues are a marathon, not a sprint. The best case scenarios have people working as a team and not keeping score of who is where at what time.

I hope her stroke is mild. Prognosis for these things is generally wait-and-see as the full scope can only be known over time.  Don’t burn yourself out, or burn bridges, so soon. It could be a long road. [/quote]

This is exactly the crappy thinking that annoys. You clearly were out to hood use belong with stroke two- but apparently you decided to take a pass on helping stroke 1- WTF!!  Wasn’t stroke 1 worth the same concern for the father and need for help to the other sibling??? Seriously that’s the issue- you states away can merely “decide” how much you are there for both. You assume the other sibling is the caregiver and you are “helpful when convenient”. If you could hear yourself saying it, how can you not realize the insanity. [/quote]

DP.  You still haven't learned that how one family handles issues may not be the same as another family - and neither are wrong.  My family and I take the same approach as the person you are responding to.  We recognize the marathon-nature of medical care even when the issue is life-threatening.  We don't use 'attendance' as a barometer of love or caring.  My brother lives 600 miles from and my sister over 1,000.  When my mother had a stroke, I didn't expect them to drop everything and attend to her even though we didn't know what the outcome would be.  We recognize how precious life is and don't use a crisis as a 'last chance'.  We talk the situation over and determine how to handle things.  That may mean me suggesting when I could use help from a sibling.  That may mean the sibling decides when they want to come. That may not be how your family does it and that's fine but don't judge mine by your standards. [/quote]

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