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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Any advice on what to do in this particular situation to make things better? Our marriage counselor does family therapy. Is that something people recommend I include my parents join us for?[/quote]

Watch Sleeping With The Enemy and see if you see the parallels.  Run, woman.[/quote]

OP here. Yesterday I said I felt upset because I felt like he treats me like the enemy when I am trying to be supportive. [b]He told me that’s because I am the enemy. [/b][/quote]

OK, I can't believe this is real, but if it's not it's been a pretty elaborate troll on here, so I am going to go with it.

Full disclosure - somewhat embarrassing - but I am married to a guy that is kind of like this. It's a very black or white one way street of loyalty. Not as extreme as your husband, but some of this is not entirely unfamiliar.

I will admit that when we got married I was probably still too enmeshed with my mother. Like, I changed our everyday dishes pattern at my mother's suggestion and didn't even talk to him about it. That's small potatoes in the big scheme of things, but when you are planning your wedding and you are supposed to be a team, it's a big deal. So I worked on that.

It's a dynamic that doesn't really come up anymore because we've been married for over two decades, but it's been a volatile marriage. I have generally made my peace with it, but it's been hard.

The other anger issues you describe, the name calling, the calling you the enemy (I never got that one specifically) is part of his personality. The either you're his enemy or you're on his side is a familiar dynamic - my husband and his whole family have a massive persecution complex. It's literally how he perceives the world.

My advice would be to think VERY long and VERY hard if you want to be in this exact same place in 20 years. Your husband has some issues that he will likely only very grudgingly acknowledge unless you insist he acknowledge them - the name calling will become verbal abuse and it will get worse. He will manipulate you into cutting off friends and from the looks of it, your parents.

My husband has another side that is smart, funny, kind, considerate, etc. but in truth I wish I had divorced him in my mid-30's when my oldest child was 2.5-3 years. I was too weak. I was too worried what people would think. I didn't trust my own perception of the situation. I was too good at telling myself that the issues really weren't a big deal. I thought maybe I really wasn't loyal enough and if I could just change that it would make things better. Newsflash - there is nothing you can do that will ever be enough. It came at a pretty high cost to my own mental health. 
[b]
I promise, promise, promise you that burying your head in the sand and trying to find ways to smooth it over will wear you down, bit by bit.[/b] Add a child or two into the mix and the decisions around staying or going become much, much harder. And he'll turn it on the kids too - it's how he is wired.

This isn't about whether you are too swayed by what your parents think. It's about YOU and YOUR life. You are really young and have so many opportunities before you. I wish you would do what I still haven't done - get a therapist and get your head screwed on straight, stand up for yourself, be the driver of your own future.

The above is brutally honest and not easy to write. I have never said any of this to another living person, but when you said he told you that you were the enemy, man, did that ever hit home.

I wish you all the best.

[/quote]

This is what happened to me.  I was ground down to nothing over the course of years.  Over time I was distanced from family and friends.[/quote]

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