Reply to Controlling mother + DH ongoing conflicts

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can’t heart a text before consulting with your spouse?  Crazy [/quote]

+1. Major major red flag. You don’t have kids, I would seriously consider your partnership with this person and cut ties if he is this controlling now. [/quote]

OP here. I don't think this is controlling. I suggested it after a huge fight when I texted my mom behind his back. We agreed that to set a united front, that we would both do this going forward.[/quote]

He should not be texting your Mom.  He is married to you.  He is not allowed to be cruel to your parents OUT OF RESPECT FOR YOU.  You had a good intention by deciding that the two of you would present a united front and present yourselves as a married, adult couple to your parents BUT the impact has been that he is not reining himself in emotionally and he is majorly overstepping the boundaries of who he actually is to your parents.

Imagine if you got a dog, and you decided to bring the dog to your parents home, whose responsibility is it to take care of the dog when it's is visiting your parents' home?  It's your responsibility.  Now imagine that your parents come to visit you in your home, and your dog bites your parents.  Whose responsibility is it to keep your parents safe from the potential harm that your dog might inflict on your parents?  It's your responsibility.  Ditto with your DH.  It's your responsibility to understand that if your DH is important to you, then you need to set boundaries with your parents so that when you and DH visit, the visit does not make them uncomfortable in their own home.  It's your responsibility to understand that if your parents visit you, then you need to find a setting to keep your parents safe from your DH's behavior because he is not a gracious host and clearly cannot handle having your parents being in your home.  If it wasn't the dishes, it would have been something else.

Try meeting at a restaurant a few times if you want to share meals with your parents and your DH, and keep the duration of the visits short even if they go well, and plan in advance regarding who is paying.  Then don't linger, or add on any unplanned activities, so that everyone departs on a positive note.  See how many of these types of meals you all can share before trying a more involved activity.  Or see a movie together and get coffee after, etc.

More seriously though, it's critical that you understand that your DH does not respect you and is emotionally isolating you.

https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/[/quote]

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