Reply to Can You Live A FulFilled Life Without Kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was on the fence about having kids, but sort of always assumed I would. So, we have two. I love them, and I enjoy them so much more as they get older than when we were in the throes of parenting little ones. BUT. If I could make the choice over again, I would have remained child-free. It is not true that one never regrets having them.[/quote]
Plus 100[/quote]

Same. It's impossible to make this decision either way and also be truly confident you won't ever have regrets. I told myself I wanted to be a parent for so long (since childhood) that I never stopped to examine if it was the right choice for me. I told myself a very narrow story about motherhood and my experience has challenged that story in ways I never imagined. My kids are absolutely the source of all the most joyful and meaningful moments of my life, but I have the life experience and hindsight to realize that I may have felt happier and more fulfilled personally if I had remained child-free. I don't think that realization devalues my kids at all.[/quote]
This is so well-stated and I feel the exact same. Thank you. [/quote]

Maybe because you both had expectations that were too high? It’s funny because I was never into kids, not comfortable with babies, never felt particularly ready to be a mother. But I have always known that as a life choice, I would be a mother of several kids, if possible 3.  Not out of any idealization of it. But because rationally I knew I wanted a family, I knew I wanted that bond, and I could also visualize myself as an older person with a big family around.

And I had 2 kids (husband didn’t want a third so had to stop there). And it is exactly what I imagined, overwhelming, time consuming, tiresome, frustrating and stressful at times. But without a doubt the best thing that happened to me. I have a pretty intense career and I love my rewarding and meaningful job, have tons of friends and a great marriage. But for me everything pales in comparison to being a parent, at a very primal level, i can feel that it fulfilled my life and helped me get rid of deep questioning about why I am alive.Now I have a simple purpose and I know I can die in peace (when they are ready to be happy without me).

In order to find the same level of fulfillment I would have needed to find it through my work or my political / community engagement (or artistic if I was an artist). And I am not sure I would have been able to. A lot of  people can find that fulfillment somewhere else and all the power to them. I am not saying everyone needs to be a parent. But for me it was 100% clear. [/quote]

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