Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extremely happy childless couple here. Our house is clean, quiet, and free of plastic thingamabobs in primary colors. Our bank accounts are full. We travel extensively, dine out, host friends, sleep in, and have lots of time to talk, exercise, cook elaborate meals, read, and sit in quiet contemplation. We are also an excellent aunt and uncle to our nephew and nieces. I understand the allure of children but am very happy with my choice. It's such a personal decision.

Well, aren't you selfish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was on the fence about having kids, but sort of always assumed I would. So, we have two. I love them, and I enjoy them so much more as they get older than when we were in the throes of parenting little ones. BUT. If I could make the choice over again, I would have remained child-free. It is not true that one never regrets having them.

Plus 100

Same. It's impossible to make this decision either way and also be truly confident you won't ever have regrets. I told myself I wanted to be a parent for so long (since childhood) that I never stopped to examine if it was the right choice for me. I told myself a very narrow story about motherhood and my experience has challenged that story in ways I never imagined. My kids are absolutely the source of all the most joyful and meaningful moments of my life, but I have the life experience and hindsight to realize that I may have felt happier and more fulfilled personally if I had remained child-free. I don't think that realization devalues my kids at all.

This is so well-stated and I feel the exact same. Thank you.

Maybe because you both had expectations that were too high? It’s funny because I was never into kids, not comfortable with babies, never felt particularly ready to be a mother. But I have always known that as a life choice, I would be a mother of several kids, if possible 3. Not out of any idealization of it. But because rationally I knew I wanted a family, I knew I wanted that bond, and I could also visualize myself as an older person with a big family around.

And I had 2 kids (husband didn’t want a third so had to stop there). And it is exactly what I imagined, overwhelming, time consuming, tiresome, frustrating and stressful at times. But without a doubt the best thing that happened to me. I have a pretty intense career and I love my rewarding and meaningful job, have tons of friends and a great marriage. But for me everything pales in comparison to being a parent, at a very primal level, i can feel that it fulfilled my life and helped me get rid of deep questioning about why I am alive.Now I have a simple purpose and I know I can die in peace (when they are ready to be happy without me).

In order to find the same level of fulfillment I would have needed to find it through my work or my political / community engagement (or artistic if I was an artist). And I am not sure I would have been able to. A lot of people can find that fulfillment somewhere else and all the power to them. I am not saying everyone needs to be a parent. But for me it was 100% clear.

Anonymous wrote:No. You can't. At least not after age 70

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was on the fence about having kids, but sort of always assumed I would. So, we have two. I love them, and I enjoy them so much more as they get older than when we were in the throes of parenting little ones. BUT. If I could make the choice over again, I would have remained child-free. It is not true that one never regrets having them.

Plus 100

Same. It's impossible to make this decision either way and also be truly confident you won't ever have regrets. I told myself I wanted to be a parent for so long (since childhood) that I never stopped to examine if it was the right choice for me. I told myself a very narrow story about motherhood and my experience has challenged that story in ways I never imagined. My kids are absolutely the source of all the most joyful and meaningful moments of my life, but I have the life experience and hindsight to realize that I may have felt happier and more fulfilled personally if I had remained child-free. I don't think that realization devalues my kids at all.

This is so well-stated and I feel the exact same. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was on the fence about having kids, but sort of always assumed I would. So, we have two. I love them, and I enjoy them so much more as they get older than when we were in the throes of parenting little ones. BUT. If I could make the choice over again, I would have remained child-free. It is not true that one never regrets having them.

Plus 100

Same. It's impossible to make this decision either way and also be truly confident you won't ever have regrets. I told myself I wanted to be a parent for so long (since childhood) that I never stopped to examine if it was the right choice for me. I told myself a very narrow story about motherhood and my experience has challenged that story in ways I never imagined. My kids are absolutely the source of all the most joyful and meaningful moments of my life, but I have the life experience and hindsight to realize that I may have felt happier and more fulfilled personally if I had remained child-free. I don't think that realization devalues my kids at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was on the fence about having kids, but sort of always assumed I would. So, we have two. I love them, and I enjoy them so much more as they get older than when we were in the throes of parenting little ones. BUT. If I could make the choice over again, I would have remained child-free. It is not true that one never regrets having them.

Plus 100

Anonymous wrote:I was on the fence about having kids, but sort of always assumed I would. So, we have two. I love them, and I enjoy them so much more as they get older than when we were in the throes of parenting little ones. BUT. If I could make the choice over again, I would have remained child-free. It is not true that one never regrets having them.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but don't attach yourself to your nieces and nephews and try to be the cool aunt/uncle/parent figure. You aren't raising or supporting them. It seems like these kinds of people want all the benefits/fun of kids without the sacrifice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extremely happy childless couple here. Our house is clean, quiet, and free of plastic thingamabobs in primary colors. Our bank accounts are full. We travel extensively, dine out, host friends, sleep in, and have lots of time to talk, exercise, cook elaborate meals, read, and sit in quiet contemplation. We are also an excellent aunt and uncle to our nephew and nieces. I understand the allure of children but am very happy with my choice. It's such a personal decision.

Well, aren't you selfish.

I mean, having kids is selfish too. You are not doing them or the world a favor, you’re doing it for yourself and your own enjoyment/desire for a family.

NP. That’s true to an extent. But actually nurturing and raising them means paying attention to someone different than yourself who has a lot of needs and feelings, and is quite literally dependent on you for an extended period. So although it may start with a narcissistic tendency it quickly becomes something that has nothing to do with what you want per se. Some women do use it as a substitute for figuring out their life but as soon as the kid is about 8 that stops working.