Reply to How do you prepare for a lonely old age? And how to avoid being lonely when you're old?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom has had serious mental illnesses (schizo-affective disorder and bipolar disorder) since I was around 4 years old.  My dad abandoned us when I was 6 so, needless to say, life was tough for my mom, me and my two older sisters.  Somehow, I managed to make it through college and law school, get married and have two sweet babies (now pre-teens).  When dating my then-boyfriend, now husband, I explained that I would not be putting my mom in a nursing home in her old age.  When we bought our first house together (about 10 years ago), we moved my mom in with us.  It has not been easy.  Her meds keep her "just" sane enough most days but not all days.  My amazing husband has more patience for her than I do, since, as he notes "she's a very sick person."  My children also see that she is very sick and have learned to treat her with kindness.

Aside from the challenges of dealing with a mentally unstable person, we have supported her though 2 hip surgeries, skin cancer, surgery to correct pelvic prolapse, lots of physical therapy and, of course, many visits to see her psychiatrist.

Did I mention it has not been easy? I have gone through periods where I literally hated her, hated my life and wondered what the hell I was doing. But this I know, putting her in a nursing home would subject her to an extremely sad ending to an extremely sad life.  My mom, after her hip surgeries, has stayed at some of the nicest nursing homes in the DC Metro area and I'm sorry to say that even the nicest nursing homes in the DC metro area are not very nice.  It's where people go to die. No matter how nice some of the staff are (and we met some incredible staff), they are still overworked and underpaid for what they do.  They still managed to mess up her meds sometimes.  She still got UTI's.  It's simply not a place you put someone if you care anything about them.

I have very vivid memories of my mom struggling to keep two jobs so my sisters and I would not end up in foster care.  I recall her being hospitalized for 2 weeks, being discharged and going on job interviews two days later (this usually happened every 6-9 months).  She never, ever gave up. And even though my childhood was plenty sad, and even tragic - I know that without her motivation to protect us, it could have been so much worse.

I sometimes wonder what motivates me to keep her in my home, despite the incredible challenges she presents.  Guilt? Do I have some kind of savior-syndrome?  I don't know.

My life could be so much different if she didn't live with us, but I can't say it would be better.  The thought of my sick mom, lying alone in a nursing home bed, would simply make me miserable.  
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Are you sure you are the right thread? OP does not have any adult children and is lamenting what will happen to her as she ages. [/quote]

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