Reply to at what age did you explain physical act of intercourse to your DD?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My fear is this..... Telling kids that sex feels good and then saying, well you can't do it, it's not for you. Won't that make them want to do it even more???? I don't know, I grew up with super conservative parents with a no sex until marriage mentality and I don't want to be like that but I also don't want to be the mom who let's the high school boy friend spend the night. [/quote]

[b]Kids are 100% used to not being allowed to do all kinds of things that adults can. Eat all the candy they want, swear a lot, drive a car, live alone, have 12 snakes as pets.[/b] In various conversations, I have talked about both that sex should feel good and help you feel very close to another person that you love, and that it comes with a HUGE amount of responsibility to make good and careful choices about how you have sex (with protection, knowing the risks involved) and whom you choose to have sex with; and that having sex at all is a choice that should not be made lightly, and requires a lot of maturity to think all the potential consequences through and handle the emotional part of it.

Since they'd rather not think about any of those things right now (like babies, or STDs, or how to get condoms or BCP, or the impact of it on a relationship, or even having a relationship with someone else at all!), it makes perfect sense to them that sex is something they'll deal with when they're older. I also make it very plain that sex with someone else is not the only option for physical pleasure, that they should understand and be comfortable with their own bodies and what makes them feel good (ie, masturbation), which is a private and personal thing they have to figure out for themselves; and that just because you enjoy kissing someone doesn't mean you have to or should have sex with them, there are a lot of other things that fall short of sex but are also ways to show someone you care.

There is a ton of room for being honest about the pros and cons of sex that doesn't fall in "no sex until marriage" or "sure, your SO can spend the night!"

Also, like a pp mentioned, I had to re-explain some things when my 13YO told me she likes girls. [/quote]

Bolded +1Million. Kids can be/are taught all sorts of things and be given the safety info and boundaries that surround them.  We teach kids about fires and safety without expecting them to all become arsonists.  They see people swimming, but we don’t let them jump in without swim fins, proper attire, lessons and supervision.  Sex is no different.  Its a topic they are ignorant on until we give them the appropriate information.  It’s our job to teach them that humans are mammals that reproduce the same as other mammals and need affection and intimacy just the same.  Its our job to teach them how to protect themselves and others from disease just like we do with Flu or Covid-19.  Its our job to makes sex a normal healthy part of adult life and not something secret that has to be researched and stumbled through alone.[/quote]

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