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[quote=Anonymous]I think the decision of whether a woman has kids or not should be independent of what the man wants. Sounds like your sister gave up what she wanted to be accommodating for a man who wasn’t really involved with his existing kids and didn’t want any more. She recognized he probably wouldn’t be very involved with their children and would likely abandon them, too. So it was a decision based on the circumstances, rather than on what she really wanted. I was in a similar situation - madly in love with a man who had older kids and didn’t want more, had a vasectomy scheduled and everything. I considered not having kids because I wanted to be with him so badly, but decided kids were more important to me and broke up with him. He did therapy for a year and then reached out wanting to get back together knowing I wanted my own kids. I was very clear that he wasn’t going to waste my time and fertility, we needed a strict timeline of marriage, getting pregnant, etc and we were going to get started right away. And that he was going to be an involved father, this wasn’t a favor he was doing for me and he isn’t off the hook. He agreed, we had kids, he’s a great dad. I would have absolutely regretted if I had stayed with him and not had my own children. But I also would have regretted it I hadn’t been upfront about my expectations and ended up with a deadbeat father. [/quote]
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