Reply to If someone is really in love can they still cheat?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes.  But, how you will know is how they deal with the aftermath and what happens to the relationship going forward.  [b]If there was a very loving foundation, chemistry, true friendship prior [/b]and the couple rebuilds and goes onto thrive--[b]the love was real[/b].  EVERY long and overall happy marriage will be faced with some sort of test along the way that could nearly break it.  This is one of those variations (if the person isn't serial--and it didn't happen at the start).

If the person leaves, stonewalls, continues, shifts blame, denigrates, is not supportive, etc., no the love was not real (at least for the cheater).[/quote]

Are you on crack?  Infidelity is a serious betrayal and a form of emotional abuse under any circumstances.  Women are not obliged to stay in a relationship after such abuse and betrayal no matter how much they may have loved, had chemistry and been friends with their partner.  Nor are they obliged to stay even if the affair perpetrator “seems remorseful” and “wants to rebuild”.    The true test of marriage is not accepting and continuing it after abuse.  That’s like saying you should stay with a partner who hits you, just because they said sorry and cried and promised never to do it again.

These love survives abuse justifications/myths make me nauseous.

[/quote]

You jumped the gun.  Physical/emotional abuse is different than a midlife infidelity.  If the person was a loving spouse and monogamous for 20 years and messed up for a few months—and has great shame, remorse and commits to therapy/change, I do not see that as abuse.  It is up to the betrayed partner and the level of deception/trauma and overall marriage if they choose to reconcile.  But, yes, it’s free will.  Nobody is forcing a victim to stay married in any circumstance.  [/quote]

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