Reply to If someone is really in love can they still cheat?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think people cheat because they feel unloved, unappreciated, undesired.

Yes, they may still love their partner very much. Even be in love with them and want to stay in the marriage. But some of their fundamental needs are going unmet so they cheat to feel satisfied again. To feel like it’s ok for them to have needs, which are often getting shut down due to issues in the primary relationship.

It just isn’t so black and white like you love someone and so you don’t want anyone else. I really believe that if your needs are satisfied and you feel good then cheating won’t be appealing — why put in the energy? If people do there has to be a reason.[/quote]

Excluding people with sex addictions or other issues that make them fundamentally ambivalent about monogamy, I mean. I’m just talking about cases where the person would in theory be satisfied with having sex with one person if they could get their needs met.

I think this is also at the root of a confusion people have about what it means to be committed to their partner. Many cheating people, commonly men, believe they are or feel they are still committed to their wives while they cheat. They still love and want to stay married to them. What they don’t see is that commitment isn’t just to a person or a state of affairs. Commitment in a relationship means you commit to getting your needs met in the relationship. Unfortunately people don’t see marriage that way, on both sides.[/quote]

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