Reply to Are sons missing a genetic gene on caring about their parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It also depends on the DILs. We're not going to care for my ILs because they haven't helped us at all. They did help my SIL, so they are her responsibility. My parents helped us tremendously, both financially and with childcare, so we will take care of them. They also helped my SIL and my brother,  so we will share responsibilities.  My SIL's mother abandoned her, so she didn't take care of her mother.  [/quote]
Did they raise your husband in such a way that he grew into a person you would choose above all others? Why did you need more help beyond that? Why isn’t that enough?[/quote]

NP but it doesn't work that way.

I love my DH and there are things about his upbringing for which I am very grateful. But as his wife, there are also things he struggles with and for which I curse his parents. And one of those things is that he can be very self-centered, because they were old fashioned about genders and did not raise their sons to care for others. My DH has had to overcome his upbringing to be a better father.

Adults are never fully just the products of their parent's actions. My husband is a very good man and husband, and that is by no means the sole doing of my ILs. The idea that I owe them something extra for it is silly when you consider that I've spent much of my marriage helping to clean up some messes they made. And that's where ongoing interest and help from parents and ILs can make a difference. No parent is perfection and the assumption that your child will make sacrifices on your behalf as you grow old is myopic, if you aren't continuing to make an effort to be part of their lives.[/quote]

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