Reply to Why do you blame your DIL/SIL instead of your son/brother?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So the text reads as follows:

Grandparents - Hi my adoring son.  we would love to invite ourselves over to your house for a visit

Harpy wife - This is the wife, NO[/quote]

More like "Hi Larlo, we'd love to see the kids; is there a time in the next few weeks that works?"

Response from wife's phone: "I saw that you asked Larlo about times to get together. We're really busy in the next few weeks and need to focus on family time when we're not busy. Maybe another month." [Repeat in 4-6 weeks] She's not aggressive, just evasive. I am sure you won't believe this because it doesn't fit your preexisting narrative, but there are truly no facts that would make this normal. My parents are easygoing, nonjudgmental, and eager to be helpful. SIL is not a harpy, but she has chosen to stand in the way of this relationship for reasons that are opaque to me. It is what it is.[/quote]

If that’s true (doubtful) YOUR BROTHER has taught her that she can behave that way. He co-signed that behavior. If he wanted to see you more, or wanted his kids to see you more, that’s how it would be. The end.[/quote]

So he is responsible for her behavior as well as his own? And, for the seemingly 100th time, this isn't about me. We effectively don't have a relationship. We live far apart and I don't waste my time on people who don't reciprocate. We exchange kid birthday gifts and that's it. At some point my parents will probably move closer to us and my brother and SIL will have no family. That won't be beneficial to their kids but it's hard to see this playing out any other way.[/quote]

Why would seeing people their parents don’t like/care about “benefit” their kids? Why? Simply because of the titles of Grandma and Grandpa? If their own son doesn’t like them much, why should the grandkids “benefit” from time spent with those particular grandparents?[/quote]

It's generally beneficial to have more people in your life who care about you. My SIL is estranged from one of her parents and the other one lives far away so they only see each other in person every few years. My brother doesn't dislike my parents and does see them from time to time on his own. He's just unwilling to make waves in his primary relationship. Do you find it beneficial for kids to have no relationship with loving relatives who live nearby? Odd position.[/quote]

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