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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Al-Anon and the “Getting Them Sober” series by Toby Rice Drews.

Brutal honesty is that you should divorce, especially if you want kids. Alcoholics rarely get better, even if they quit, relapse is highly likely (I come from a large family of alcoholics). If you have children, you’ll be trying to shield them from his drinking, which will get worse with time.

But it’s really hard to untangle yourself and usually takes a few years before you’re ready to leave. So just build up support for yourself as much as you can. [/quote]

+1 on Al-Anon OP. I am not familiar with that series.

I grew up with parents who drank, my father died from alcoholism, my mother had to stop due to a cancer diagnosis but is an unrecovered dry drunk. She is very isolated and seems to have no insight into her behavior and how it impacts people.

I have spent a lot of time in Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families, wish I had found it sooner. I married a depressive workaholic cheater, who left but who has significant custody to avoid support, my kids are messed up due to that.

The issue is not just the drinking, it is past trauma or dysfunction or poor patterns of handling feelings that make it difficult or unappealing to dial it back in response to your concerns.

At your age, I think you really need to do some work on why you picked this person. Do not have kids unless there is a LONG period of sobriety. You will do better working on yourself, divorcing and trying to re-marry. If you don't do the work on yourself, and Al-Anon is great, or ACoA if you came from a dysfunctional upbringing, you will think you are picking differently but will end up with the same issues. You do NOT want to bring kids into this situation, it has really impacted my life and my sibs. My mom initially did not drink but later drank with him, my father even drank with my teen brother and his friends, so embarrassing. It was a hellish childhood, even when he wasn't drunk we all walked on eggshells waiting for the shoe to fall. I remember friend's parents being heavy drinkers and being scared in cars with them or when they would act strangely, it just is not good for kids.

Wishing you the best, OP, find an Al-Anon meeting, they do them in person or on Zoom. I learned so much from how I reacted to others, it was a real short cut to reality. Keep an eye on the clock, you still have time to choose better the second time if you put the work in now.  [/quote]

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