Reply to Youngish Spouse- Chronic Illness

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]RA stinks, but it's not as debiltating as OP makes it out. Either OP is really dramatic, or spouse is overly dramatic. I have lived with serious RA for 30 years. It really should not have this kind of negative affect on a marriage. You really both just need  therapy to identify why you're both making yourselves into victims instead of just dealing with it and living  your lives. [/quote]

You are either a liar or incredibly ignorant. The very first thing any Rhuematoligist will tell you is that autoimmune disorders very tremendously by patient. There is no uniform reaction. For some it's an incoveiance while for others its debilitaing and life alteriing.[/quote]

DP, not the one to whom you're responding. The point of the thread is not a debate over the seriousness of RA.

It's about the OP wanting to ditch his or her spouse who has been diagnosed with a chronic condition..

It's about how the OP wants to hear that it's fine to divorce due to the spouse having this condition, and it's about the fact that OP wants to (1)  dismiss any ideas of "in sickness and in health" and (2) dismiss any ideas of "you're focused on the difficult past, and not on the possibility things could improve now that spouse has a real diagnosis."

OP needs to cool his (or her?) jets, stop focusing on how to get out of the marriage at least for now, and re-evaluate why they got married in the first place. Some more time and treatment may make a difference. Of course RA is different for each patient and of course the spouse might not get the excellent results of some PPs here with RA drugs, but OP has no way to know that yet. It's early days; the diagnosis is very recent, OP said.

The saddest thing about this thread is there is zero sense that OP loves the spouse as a person. At least, not enough to still see that beloved person beneath the pain and testing. OP only talks about resentment and about being the main breadwinner with so much child care to do etc. etc. Nothing said about love or respect for the spouse as an individual human being the OP cared enough about to marry. I hope the spouse isn't aware that OP sees spouse only as a burden and a bundle of pain, not as a person. That's tragic. [/quote]

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