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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've been with my boyfriend for close to three years. We are talking about getting engaged. He is truly a wonderful guy - kind, extremely hard working, considerate of me/my friends and family, and helpful and kind to others, even people he doesn't know. My family really likes him. However, last week my parents sat me down and raised an issue. They told me they love S/O, but thinks he drinks too much and asked if I thought he had a drinking issue. My parents/family in general don't drink AT ALL (several alcoholics in the family) and were concerned that (for example) at a family dinner, the vast majority of people weren't drinking or were having one glass of wine and he had 4-5 beers. Another time, we met up with them after a sporting event and in fairness he was pretty tipsy, although not aggressive or otherwise embarrassing.

I was so upset and taken aback by this, and really disappointed my parents (whose approve means a lot to me) feel this way. On one hand - I think he does drink too much and too often and should cut back for health reasons. On the other hand - he has NEVER been abusive, aggressive, or unkind to me (or anyone) when drinking; would never drive drunk; doesn't drink alone (unless he is extremely good at hiding it; we live together in a studio apt and I WFH full time); he works a very demanding (sometimes physical) job that requires him to leave for work around 3 AM and the drinking has never impacted that. In his mid-20s, he went several years without drinking due to a health problem (not alcohol related). [b]I also blame myself in that I also like to drink and frequently WILL suggest happy hours, brunch, etc. as activities. [/b]

I guess I'm not sure how to proceed. My first thought is to frame it as "hey I think we've been drinking too much - can we make an effort to have some alcohol free date nights?" and see how it goes. I would be devastated to end this relationship but at the same time, don't want a lifelong commitment with someone who may have an issue with alcohol.

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It's interesting in your OP post that you feel responsible for some of of his drinking. More than anything else in your original message that would be a red flag for me. You are not married yet. Time to investigate this with eyes wide open.

https://al-anon.org/

Don't get married or have kids yet until you have resolved this for yourself.

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