Reply to Husband said I’m selfish and terrible wife and he will divorce me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Re: hubby’s outburst:

2 possibilities I see here:

1) he didn’t mean any of it and just lashed out / lost control in a moment oF anger, or

2) he has actually been harboring these thoughts for months (or longer) and there is some truth there.  He actually feels this way toward you.

If it is number 2, then I believe you have been in denial or “had blinders on” for a while here, OP.

Start being honest and do some serious, difficult, deep self-reflection here OP.  Are you the perfect wife OP?  Or do you have flaws?  What possible flaws could have lead to your husband saying what he said?

Even if you divorce, it will help you in the long run to do some self reflection here, OP (except if you are perfect and he is 100% at fault completely here).[/quote]

You don't have to be perfect to deserve not being abused like this. [/quote]

Hmm - spouse A yelled at spouse B, said they are a terrible spouse, and began packing to leave.

- you think that is that out of the ordinary for divorces?  (hint: it’s common), and

- you seriously believe that constitutes “abuse?”  If so, then you just lowered the bar and diminished the actual abuse suffered by many women out there. [/quote]

I have been "actually abused" in the way that left a physical mark. You are not standing up for me in any way when you say that emotional abuse doesn't count. It doesn't matter how common something is - I'm sure you can find a context where hitting your wife was common, and it was/is still abuse. When you humiliate, criticize, and threaten your partner like this, when you overreact to small things and make them feel crazy, you are abusing them. And the fact that he has no intention of actually divorcing her for this is part of what makes it abuse. If he actually thinks this is worthy of divorce, that would be crazy, but at least he would be ending it and letting her move on. But he wasn't doing that, he was playing a manipulative game to get her to respond a certain way. People who stick around for abuse are great at rationalizing that abuse. They are great at listing their own faults. They know they are imperfect, and it is much easier for them to believe that their imperfections might justify the behavior, because the alternative - that they love someone who is monstrous to them, and that no amount of behavioral changes on their own part will fix it - is much more difficult. [/quote]

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