Reply to Work 65+hour weeks + young baby

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[quote=Anonymous]My DH has the heavy work load at the moment, trying to make partner at his firm next year. I don’t resent his working hours (if anything I feel bad for him) and I am supportive because he wants this. The difference is he still prioritizes our family so we have equal facetime. Here’s what he does/we do:

6 - 8 am - I’m up and getting kids ready for the day. I wake my DH up at 7 and he comes down and takes oldest to in person school and then unloads the dishwasher 
8 - 4 or 5 - we have childcare. I am the default parent for things like appointments and research and organizing our lives and I do this during work hours (thankful for the flexibility). We both try and squeeze 30 minutes of workouts in a few days a week.
4-5 - one or both of us plays with the kids depending on work schedule. 
5-6 dinner and bath. He does bath and I clean the kitchen during it. 
6-7 bedtime - we each put one kid to bed, alternating nights. When we had one we will alternated but the non bedtime parent cleaned the kitchen and packed lunch etc for the next day.
From 7–8 we might putter around the house, catch up, have a glass of wine, make sure house is picked up. 
8-12 or 1, my husband works. I watch tv or read then go to bed. I’ll work if I need to.

On weekends, my husband works after bedtime most nights, starting at 9ish and ending at 12. We work out during naps and we take turns sleeping in till 9. If he wants to work during his sleep in time he can but he usually sleeps. This gets him to 65+ a week depending on the late nights and I don’t resent him. He’s present and engaged and really effing tired. We do takeout 3x a week, cleaners come twice a month, and he does all the laundry while he’s working. We work at home together so I don’t feel like I miss him, did you say you wfh?

Really I think you need to figure out whether you are working around your work hours or working around your family’s needs. Before the pandemic my DH worked around work. I hated it and was mad a lot. At home it’s been amazing, you can’t ignore what your partner is doing when you are working and you see your kids more. He’s very much worked his schedule around the kids now even though it sucks for his work. He isn’t going to put work above kids on a Saturday, he will just stay up later. [/quote]

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