Reply to SIL who never shows a crack in the armor

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi, does anyone have advice for getting over the envy of a SIL who is always upbeat, happy, and projects constant perfection? Everything is awe and wonder, from the cookies she baked with her kids to a sunset to her brand-new puppy to her new deck and on and on. Sometimes it's all a bit much because she shares this stuff in texts constantly. It is ALL RAINBOWS all the time.

I am going through some issues with my parents right now and just beginning to feel annoyed by her constant Pollyanna-ness. I also want to do some internal work on my envy. Anyone been there and have ideas?[/quote]

Maybe she genuinely feels that way. There was a woman like that in DH’s colon cancer support group. We wondered why she was even there. After a few months, her wife DIED.[/quote]

And like...good that she could still find things to be happy and grateful about in life!

My next door neighbor just lost his wife to lung cancer. It was a long road; eight years. Toward the end, when it became clear that she would soon die, he and his daughters didn't retreat, or speak in hushed tones. They were all of them doing what they could to enjoy the hell out of life. It's only been a few weeks, but he is selling houses and active on social media and chatting across the fence. I'M GLAD that he is doing so well. Because she's gone either way. She's not coming back. So if he has it in him to chat with my daughters as they ride bikes in the driveway, that's better than seeing him weeping on his front stoop, or not seeing him at all because he can't get out of bed.

If he were in heavy mourning, I'd be there for him and would help in any way I could. But he's clearly managing, and I am glad he is. I'm not measuring his level of happiness and wondering why he's not crying into his beer.[/quote]

You are so wrong.

He IS in heavy mourning, but it's repressed under his relentless activity.

Look at Jamie Raskin. That man is suffering. But he's out working, making jokes before the entire country.

Back at home, I'll bet he's in tears every single day.

Try to be supportive of your neighbor.

A close friend lost a child, and the one thing that really struck me was at the funeral she said she feared no one would remember her child.

She's still mourning, but I send her cards and small gifts every once in a while, just to let her know that I remember her child. And every time I do, she responds with thanks. She's still in deep mourning (it's been five years), but you wouldn't guess it from her outward appearance. She's busy and active, but crying inside. The pain doesn't go away for a long time, if ever. [/quote]

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