Reply to Wife wants to move closer to family

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Wife wants to move closer to family - but am I committed enough?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife and I have been together 15 years, married for 11, and have 3 children. I grew up and we live in the city. My wife, since our first child was born, pines to move back to the small town she grew up in, which is a 3-hour drive away. It is a constant source of contention in our marriage because I don’t want to give up our life here (our friends, my family, my work.) it feels like we are at make or break right now. I see her rejection of our life here as a rejection of me and everything I’ve worked so hard to give her. It feels like her hometown is a turf that I’ll be an outsider to and will lose any sense of indentity I have. I wish so much she could accept where we live (and therefore me) but I also understand her desire to be closer to her family. I just don’t know if I “lover her enough” to give up my life here to uplift everything so she has what she wants. I’ve considered moving somewhere halfway but I don’t see the point in us both being unhappy. Please help. I’m so desperate right now. [/quote]

OP, Take a quick step back and think about your post.

My opinion on this is from the other side. I’m the “trailing spouse” and it sucks. It sucks far beyond what I ever thought it would.

So when you say you’re near “our” friends, you mean you’re near your friends that she has also become friends with. You’re near your family, friends, work, familiar things, routine, history. You have everything you have known your entire life, including close support from your family.,

You talk  about feeling rejected that you’ve built some kind of life for her. Did you ever consider that maybe it’s more the life that YOU want? It’s like giving someone a gift that they don’t like. They have to grin and be grateful, but they’re thinking “what the hell am I supposed to Dow til this now?”

Your wife is isolated as a SAH, especially if your kids are older. You know that outsider feeling you’re worried about if you move to her town - she likely feels is every day. Some cities are terrible about outsiders, especially if they think you’re not metropolitan enough to be there.

Oh, and yeah - she’s given up her identity to live in your city.

I moved for my spouse. It uprooted everything I had, including a career I loved. I managed to get a job in my industry, but online, which meant I didn’t have the benefit of face time with peers. I don’t fit in with the local moms as I’m older and not from here. Many people SAH and I work. We have a lovely house, but it’s my prison. I pine every day to go back to where we lived before, where I had friends and things I loved, and people who loved me.  It’s seriously impacted my mental health, 9 years later, and in that, I beg you to at least consider moving for your wife, as it sounds like your job will be the same. Experience what she has - a shift in not knowing what she knows, a lack of family support, sacrifice. Feeling like a stranger every where you go.

I know you won’t, because like my DH, you’re too stuck on what you think is best, and too happy in your personal comfort zone. She HAS considered your needs, and has lived that way for years. [/quote]

Hey, lady--they MET in the city, where OP's wife was living VOLUNTARILY. I'm sorry you moved for your husband and are unhappy, but she did not move for him. They continued to live in the city where they met and married. Now she wants to drag him back to Nowheresville just so she can relive her glory days, or something. So stop projecting your own sorry situation onto this one. [/quote]
Yeah. So no one is never allowed to change their minds.

City living isn’t as wonderful as you want to think it is, wit no family or friend support.

I love the people on here, panicking about school ratings, COL, etc. And it would never occur totem that there are OTHER PLACES TO LIVE. so keep up. OPs wife is finding that city living is not serving her now that she is no longer single and a mother. Family support MATTERS. So How about you keep up. Not everything is about having access to the best take out and the theatre. [/quote]

OP already knows there's other places to live. And he doesn't want to live there. Sorry you don't have a voice in your marriage, but you must quit projecting. [/quote]

And OP is only willing to look at his perspective. Anything else will make him unhappy, regardless of his wife’s needs. So yeah, she should leave. This thread is about that. Sorry you’re clearly not someone who can see other opinions other than yr own without getting belligerent. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics