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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m going to disagree with others and say this is not cheating. She sounds like she has lost her sex drive and is insecure about her body and herself. She really may have trimmed down there because she didn’t want her OBgyn to judge her- though I’m pretty sure OBs have seen it all so who cares. 
I do think it’s strange that she gave you an eye roll about it.

Sounds like you need to sit down and have an open and honest conversation about this. I’m mid 40s and have lost my sex drive and am literally repulsed by the thought of sex at times. I’m not cheating- I just don’t care about sex at all. I try to do it at least once a month with my husband but it’s actually quite difficult for me to get excited about it at all.  I really wish there was something I could do to change my mindset- but the only thing that seems to work is drinking several glasses of wine. I don’t get turned on by porn or suggestive movies/books. Nothing. I’m guessing there are a lot of other women like me- because I’m always seeing posts on here about men upset with their wives and the lack of sex.

I don’t think the question has been asked yet- but are you in shape? Financially stable? Is there a possibly she has lost some attraction to you and that is why she doesn’t want sex?

Do you go on dates? Or spend time talking to one another?  If there is no emotional connection- it’s very difficult (at least for me) to be remotely interested in sex.

Is there a chance this is cheating? Maybe, but I think you should explore the other possible reasons I listed above before jumping to that conclusion. [/quote]

OP here, thanks for writing this. We had a longer talk last night and this is basically what she said which is what she's been saying for years - no real sex drive, no real desire for sex. I am in same shape as when we got married. She has her external reasons for this, she claims most of her friends feel similarly about sex with their husbands and she's being blamed for being honest. Oh, and she is in good shape, so not sure about body issues.

Anyway, I wasn't hoping she was cheating but I would have taken the silver lining that she had a libido to do it and we could shake things up. I am sure being cheated on sucks but it's a far better outcome for me than the current options of being miserable, cheating or divorcing.

She won't do counseling during covid and when I brought it up a couple years ago, she was against it then, pretty much that a counselor reminding her she is supposed to have sex doesn't exactly create the desire and if I need it that bad just do it. Her doctor said female loss of desire in middle age in long marriages is normal and isn't a problem except that it creates marital strain and her other option is medicine to raise libido that has side effects.

Thanks to all that responded. Perhaps those suspecting cheating are right and I will update you if something comes to light.[/quote]

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