Reply to I deserve an apology. I’ll never get it. How do I move on?

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Reply to "I deserve an apology. I’ll never get it. How do I move on?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the PP who had the girlfriend who hurt me and held onto that pain for years. I think there has been a lot of good advice on this thread, and the people who speak about forgiveness have a point though that was not my path.

Personally, I never officially "forgave" my friend in my mind. I just let her actions go from my life. Her actions were her choices. I cannot control what she did and I will never understand why she did what she did. I never thought about it as forgiveness or not...I just made the choice to no longer allow her real estate in my brain. That was what lifted the weight off of me.

At one point I googled my friend and found that she volunteered a lot in groups helping others. I was baffled because I remembered her as pretty self-centered. Maybe she changed? Did that mean I should rethink my reactions? I realized no. Even if she turned into Mother Teresa Part 2, I did not owe her any space in my brain. So I again, let that balloon go.

I think a PP that said the goal was indifference/irrelevance hit it on the head. I am indifferent to my former friend...she is just another person in the world. Whatever. I do think holding on to the pain/anger/reaction is what is unhealthy, even if you see it as a strength. Because holding on to the anger is giving her mental energy that A) she doesn't deserve and B) you can use in a more healthy and productive way.

Yes it's hard! That's probably why it took me 15 years to get past it. And honestly...I struggled with making friends all those years. Then after I finally let it all go, I found a great group of friends who are amazing and kind and funny. Coincidence? Maybe, or maybe I was finally open to friendship in a healthy way.
[/quote]

OP. Thank you. I do think I am a bit focused on the word "forgive" and what it means for me. I have also struggled with the public perception of the person who hurt me, and have even contemplating publicly revealing what they did because it sometimes makes me angry that they are viewed in such a positive way by many people when I know they are capable of some very dark behavior. But I like the way you are framing it here. Thanks again.[/quote]

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