Reply to I deserve an apology. I’ll never get it. How do I move on?

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Reply to "I deserve an apology. I’ll never get it. How do I move on?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Not a love interest, and I have absolutely no expectation or desire to have future interaction with this person. Unless you count the fantasies I have of winning an award and bumping into them as I leave the ceremony looking fabulous and filled with joy and accomplishment. But no.

And while I get and have received the advice about forgiveness before, I’m just being honest: I will not forgive someone who has evaded accountability. Consider it a religious belief.

I just want to stop thinking about it. [b]I want to stop feeling angry and hurt. Without forgiving them.[/b][/quote]

You’re not listening. You feel angry & hurt because you haven’t forgiven.  Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. You don’t have to think they’re a good person; you just have to let go of your anger, because it’s only hurting you. You are letting this person have power over your life that they don’t deserve.

I know of what I speak. [/quote]
+1

Think of forgiveness in terms of a financial debt: if someone borrows money, they owe you.  But you can decide that you are no longer going to try to collect that debt.  It doesn't mean that they never owed you money, or that they were right not to repay you.  It means you accept that you're not getting that money back, and erase it from your mental ledger.  It doesn't mean you loan them money again, or even like them anymore, or spend time with them, or trust them.  It means you stop counting that debt.

If you want to stop thinking about it, and feeling angry and hurt, you have to forgive them.  The alternative is that part of you is always waiting for them to repay you, which means you are always hanging on to the debt.  "Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past."  You have to stop holding it against them, because that means you're holding onto it.

[/quote]

This is such a great symbol, PP. I like that. [/quote]

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