Reply to I don't get all the frills about TTC

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[quote=Anonymous]Didn't read all the responsive because there seemed to be an argument gonig on.  But I'll just respond based on my own experience.

I was actually bothered when people treated me as if I couldn't be happy for others with babies while I was TTC (for 8 years).  I love babies!  I held as many of them as I could to get good baby vibes going.

Until my own sisters had them, and although I never said anything and never would -- it was killing me inside to watch them experience everything I had was going to such extremes to have.

Please understand that my pain had nothing to do with competitioin for attention.  It had nothing to do even with being conditioned all my life to expect the carry, have, and care for a baby.  Because honestly, when I was younger, I didn't even really care about having kids.

There is some kind of bizarre millions-of-year-old biology that programs us to desire children.  My own reaction was a shock to me.  When I found out that no matter what I did, I couldn't carry a pregnancy to term, it was just a whole lot of hell for a very long time.

I did not show it.  Most women you know who are TTC will also never tell you their anguish because they DO know that the world doesn't revolve around them.

Sow some compassion.  Don't assume that women are infertile because they were aggresively pursuing careers.  49% of infertility is male-factor and has nothing to do with a woman's choices.  Don't assume that because a woman chooses to shield herself from pain by declining a baby shower invitation that she'll do so even one more time.  She may just be at the hardest part of the IVF cycle, and wanting to avoid thinking about the stakes.  Don't underestimate the extreme stress that 10s of thousands of dollars of treatments can create in a family.

I'm glad that you coped so well with your own setbacks, OP.   Don't assume that everyone else has the exact set of circumstances that enable them to face their fate as well as you did.  [/quote]

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