I had 4 kids, and never once told anyone we were trying. My friend did before any of us had kids, I remember she made a HUGE deal out it. She even told us to save the date, and not schedule anything for the summer of her baby's birth. Then she remodeled a room and decorated it for a baby BOY, crib, dresser, everything, all before she had conceived. Then 10 months later, they were still trying, and I and two other friends had just given birth. They ended up moving, and she finally got pregnant 18 months after she first announced trying. She had a girl too, she laughs about it now, but it was bizarre.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ABSOLUTELY HATE WHEN PEOPLE ANNOUCNE THAT THEY ARE TTC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There. I said it.

WTF? Can we please go back to a time when couples kept this personal information to themselves? DH and I never once made this announcement to anyone. I find it creepy. Do you really want to announce you are having sex to everyone that will listen?

We happened to get knocked up the first try both times and I partly think it was due to lack of pressure. We didn't have the awkwardness of a team of people waiting for an announcement or asking how it was going.

Now if somebody has been trying without success and needs to vent, etc...that is something else entirely and I am all ears.

I just don't want to know the fat guy over in accounting is trying to knock his new wife up.

Ew. You mean random people and work colleagues tell you they're TTC? That's strange. No one knew we were except for my mother and sister. And, only a few of my close friends told me they were TTC.

Is announcing it a new "thing"? Cause I missed that one...

Yes! It appears to be a new thing. I am so grossed out by it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miscarried my frist pregnancy and around the time of my miscarriage about 6 women at my church had children. I didn't share that we'd been pregnant and miscarried, but I did avoid these families as much as I could for a couple months. The only thing that bothered me was when I was forced to talk to one of the dads, he was rude to me. I asked how their older son was doing with the baby and he snapped, "I wish people would quit asking me that." He is a super nice guy and I was shocked. I wanted to say - "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to talk to you and make any semblance of a nice, interested question??" In a way, it was a lesson for me in "you never know what other people are going through, so be thoughtful and kind as much as you possibly kind." I have three wonderful kids now.

Other people get to have bad days, too, not just you. Also, "we" were not pregnant. You, a woman, was pregnant. You and your DH were expecting a child but he sure as hell was not pregnant!!!!!

Oh, PP! You are one of the few who agrees with me about the "we are pregnant" thing! It's become so common lately and it annoys me to no end. It's the feminization of men or something.

It's called Couvade Syndrome. Have you heard of it? Sorry if your "D"H was not that involved... 8)

I would gladly have shared morning sickness (which turned out to be 24 hr. per day sickness for 3 months), getting big, fat, waddling, and God knows he could have had all the childbirth pain. No, men do not get pregnant and until they do, then women are pregnant and only women. Would you say our family is pregnant. See how stupid it sounds?

Their friends enable them by not insulting them? You're a real piece of work.

Your "Prozac and vodka" line is not speaking the truth. It's being an obnoxious bitch for no reason at all. That's what you're too dense to understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not a Pollyanna, you're a rude bitch who gets her kicks by saying terrible things to others. Have some fucking empathy or, at least, manners.

uh yeah

I never said I was a Pollyanna - quite the opposite, in fact.

But this is not about me, as I have two kids conceived w/o the help of a fertility expert at a "ripe old age." But I at least recognize I was lucky. And prior to marriage and kids, I was just fine - a career woman.

Again, most of you who are offended by OP's position are proving her point. Save your eggshells for children's art projects.

How is "go take your prozac and drown yourself in vodka tonics" not offensive to most people? Expecting someone to walk on eggshells and expecting someone to act like a human being are not the same thing. But, you go ahead and keep patting yourself on the back for saying needlessly horrible things to a person you don't even know.

I hope your kids never need empathy. They'll be in for a rude awakening from you.

I am empathetic. I am NOT enabling, however.

There's a difference.

I've taken friends to have abortions. I've stayed with friends who have had miscarriages. I've supported friends who have children with SN.

But again, I will tell it like it is.

I don't care if OP is a troll or not. If she is, so be it. What's significant is that this issue has been raised and it ruffles feathers. Most importantly, it makes me grateful for the friends I have b/c they're REAL and they accept life's nasty obstacles.

Many of you can't seem to do so. So while you may put down my parenting skills, my daughter is one of the most resilient kids around who can handle some tough situations that have basically "crippled" (for lack of a better word) some of her friends.

So I will stick to my Prozac and Vodka line b/c I've witnessed so many women turning to pills and alcohol b/c they can't handle the truth. And their "friends" enable that.

Good friends speak the truth - ESPECIALLY if it hurts.

We got it

20:25 poster here. Sorry for all the typos. Hopefully, you get the gist.

Didn't read all the responsive because there seemed to be an argument gonig on. But I'll just respond based on my own experience.

I was actually bothered when people treated me as if I couldn't be happy for others with babies while I was TTC (for 8 years). I love babies! I held as many of them as I could to get good baby vibes going.

Until my own sisters had them, and although I never said anything and never would -- it was killing me inside to watch them experience everything I had was going to such extremes to have.

Please understand that my pain had nothing to do with competitioin for attention. It had nothing to do even with being conditioned all my life to expect the carry, have, and care for a baby. Because honestly, when I was younger, I didn't even really care about having kids.

There is some kind of bizarre millions-of-year-old biology that programs us to desire children. My own reaction was a shock to me. When I found out that no matter what I did, I couldn't carry a pregnancy to term, it was just a whole lot of hell for a very long time.

I did not show it. Most women you know who are TTC will also never tell you their anguish because they DO know that the world doesn't revolve around them.

Sow some compassion. Don't assume that women are infertile because they were aggresively pursuing careers. 49% of infertility is male-factor and has nothing to do with a woman's choices. Don't assume that because a woman chooses to shield herself from pain by declining a baby shower invitation that she'll do so even one more time. She may just be at the hardest part of the IVF cycle, and wanting to avoid thinking about the stakes. Don't underestimate the extreme stress that 10s of thousands of dollars of treatments can create in a family.

I'm glad that you coped so well with your own setbacks, OP. Don't assume that everyone else has the exact set of circumstances that enable them to face their fate as well as you did.

I think the women who expect everyone to hold off on conceiving, just because they feel they should have a year with the only baby in the family, are the annoying ones. They don't even have ttc problems, they just don't want any competition. My SIL put off having babies for 11 years. Until she was sure that all the SIL's were done procreating. She did not have any competition with her first, but surprise, when she was pg with her 2nd, our SIL announced she was pg with her 4th!! SIL 1 was so angry, and has refused to acknowledge her own niece.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and Wow! I'm amazed with all the PPs who agreed or somehow shared my POV.

We've been so careful about what we post after we learned the friend blocked the kid posting gal that I thought my position would be the minority.

As a PP mentioned, our group is mostly made of 30 something ladies who are pretty happy with their decisions. Some had their kids early on, most held on until their careers were well established and others didn't want kids at all. Just a few had trouble TTC and just one is playing the victm.

I understand being empathetic and respecting grief but should we walk in eggshells all 8 years she's been trying? Nah, I don't think so either.

OP, I think most of us who disagree with you recognize that your post was a trollish vent disguised as a question and not a genuine attempt at understanding. The ridiculous ensuing commentary from you and the people (?) who agree with your cruel position only proves this point. Given that this is a no-win situation, most of the people willing to comment on your post are those who agree with you. In statistics, this is called a nonresponse error and it invalidates the findings. Do not confuse what you're hearing here with the opinions of most emotionally balance and normal human beings.

Yet you did respond to her post didn't you? So maybe her findings aren't so invalid after all.

I wondered when this ever-so-obvious comment would come. Didn't take long. Ever so clever you are, pp. Nonresponse rate errors are not the same as NO-response rate errors. I am surprised you didn't know that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and Wow! I'm amazed with all the PPs who agreed or somehow shared my POV.

We've been so careful about what we post after we learned the friend blocked the kid posting gal that I thought my position would be the minority.

As a PP mentioned, our group is mostly made of 30 something ladies who are pretty happy with their decisions. Some had their kids early on, most held on until their careers were well established and others didn't want kids at all. Just a few had trouble TTC and just one is playing the victm.

I understand being empathetic and respecting grief but should we walk in eggshells all 8 years she's been trying? Nah, I don't think so either.

OP, I think most of us who disagree with you recognize that your post was a trollish vent disguised as a question and not a genuine attempt at understanding. The ridiculous ensuing commentary from you and the people (?) who agree with your cruel position only proves this point. Given that this is a no-win situation, most of the people willing to comment on your post are those who agree with you. In statistics, this is called a nonresponse error and it invalidates the findings. Do not confuse what you're hearing here with the opinions of most emotionally balance and normal human beings.

Yet you did respond to her post didn't you? So maybe her findings aren't so invalid after all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miscarried my frist pregnancy and around the time of my miscarriage about 6 women at my church had children. I didn't share that we'd been pregnant and miscarried, but I did avoid these families as much as I could for a couple months. The only thing that bothered me was when I was forced to talk to one of the dads, he was rude to me. I asked how their older son was doing with the baby and he snapped, "I wish people would quit asking me that." He is a super nice guy and I was shocked. I wanted to say - "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to talk to you and make any semblance of a nice, interested question??" In a way, it was a lesson for me in "you never know what other people are going through, so be thoughtful and kind as much as you possibly kind." I have three wonderful kids now.

Other people get to have bad days, too, not just you. Also, "we" were not pregnant. You, a woman, was pregnant. You and your DH were expecting a child but he sure as hell was not pregnant!!!!!

Oh, PP! You are one of the few who agrees with me about the "we are pregnant" thing! It's become so common lately and it annoys me to no end. It's the feminization of men or something.

It's called Couvade Syndrome. Have you heard of it? Sorry if your "D"H was not that involved... 8)

So a man who doesn't feel pregnant when his wife is isn't that involved in the pregnancy? How ridiculous!

Anonymous wrote:OP here and Wow! I'm amazed with all the PPs who agreed or somehow shared my POV.

We've been so careful about what we post after we learned the friend blocked the kid posting gal that I thought my position would be the minority.

As a PP mentioned, our group is mostly made of 30 something ladies who are pretty happy with their decisions. Some had their kids early on, most held on until their careers were well established and others didn't want kids at all. Just a few had trouble TTC and just one is playing the victm.

I understand being empathetic and respecting grief but should we walk in eggshells all 8 years she's been trying? Nah, I don't think so either.

OP, I think most of us who disagree with you recognize that your post was a trollish vent disguised as a question and not a genuine attempt at understanding. The ridiculous ensuing commentary from you and the people (?) who agree with your cruel position only proves this point. Given that this is a no-win situation, most of the people willing to comment on your post are those who agree with you. In statistics, this is called a nonresponse error and it invalidates the findings. Do not confuse what you're hearing here with the opinions of most emotionally balance and normal human beings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not a Pollyanna, you're a rude bitch who gets her kicks by saying terrible things to others. Have some fucking empathy or, at least, manners.

uh yeah

I never said I was a Pollyanna - quite the opposite, in fact.

But this is not about me, as I have two kids conceived w/o the help of a fertility expert at a "ripe old age." But I at least recognize I was lucky. And prior to marriage and kids, I was just fine - a career woman.

Again, most of you who are offended by OP's position are proving her point. Save your eggshells for children's art projects.

How is "go take your prozac and drown yourself in vodka tonics" not offensive to most people? Expecting someone to walk on eggshells and expecting someone to act like a human being are not the same thing. But, you go ahead and keep patting yourself on the back for saying needlessly horrible things to a person you don't even know.

I hope your kids never need empathy. They'll be in for a rude awakening from you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miscarried my frist pregnancy and around the time of my miscarriage about 6 women at my church had children. I didn't share that we'd been pregnant and miscarried, but I did avoid these families as much as I could for a couple months. The only thing that bothered me was when I was forced to talk to one of the dads, he was rude to me. I asked how their older son was doing with the baby and he snapped, "I wish people would quit asking me that." He is a super nice guy and I was shocked. I wanted to say - "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to talk to you and make any semblance of a nice, interested question??" In a way, it was a lesson for me in "you never know what other people are going through, so be thoughtful and kind as much as you possibly kind." I have three wonderful kids now.

Other people get to have bad days, too, not just you. Also, "we" were not pregnant. You, a woman, was pregnant. You and your DH were expecting a child but he sure as hell was not pregnant!!!!!

Oh, PP! You are one of the few who agrees with me about the "we are pregnant" thing! It's become so common lately and it annoys me to no end. It's the feminization of men or something.

It's called Couvade Syndrome. Have you heard of it? Sorry if your "D"H was not that involved... 8)