Reply to Here's the thing I don't understand about husbands who don't help out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really can’t control or change my husband.

I do what the OP suggests and it works but the feedback never gets embedded into his brain so we have to have the same conversation over and over again for years. It wears me down. It’s like every single day is a brand new day. I can never assume a foundational base of fundamental knowledge or that he will have learned.

Examples:

-I have to tell DH to pick up dirty diapers off the floor and put them in the garbage. Every single time.
-I have to tell DH, every single night, to please put his dishes in the dishwasher and then start it. If I don’t specifically mention that he needs to finish loading the dishes in, and THEN start it, he will just go start it half full and leave a bunch of dirty dishes on the counter for the morning.
-I have to tell DH to get the kids ready for the day (we trade of days for getting them ready). He has to be told, every time, what that means. I can’t just say “get the kids ready please”. It has to be “can you change them out of their jammies?” And then “can you put shoes on them?” And so on and so forth.

I’m exhausted and bitter. [/quote]

New poster here.  Is there anyway your DH can have the natural consequence of his actions?  So for dishes, can that be his chore as well as paying the water bill?  This way if he likes to run the dish washer half full he can not have the cup or plate when he needs one or when he finds himself needing to run it twice and paying the higher water bill he might rethink if he wants to put only half in the night run.  With getting the kids ready, I would say nothing.  Let him be embarrassed and have to come back home if he forgot something.  If he is naturally forgetful, he has to decide how he wants to keep himself on track.  I keep reminders, calendars and notes for various things, but that’s because I am motivated not to fail and I have a terrible memory.

The diaper thing, arghh, I cannot.  That’s one where I don’t think you can let him deal with the consequences because it impacts everyone.   Overall though, I remind myself if all these men are able to pull it together enough to hold down a job, they honestly can figure out how to do basic household tasks.  With google and YouTube there is no reason ...[/quote]

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