Reply to Here's the thing I don't understand about husbands who don't help out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really can’t control or change my husband.

I do what the OP suggests and it works but the feedback never gets embedded into his brain so we have to have the same conversation over and over again for years. It wears me down. It’s like every single day is a brand new day. I can never assume a foundational base of fundamental knowledge or that he will have learned.

Examples:

-I have to tell DH to pick up dirty diapers off the floor and put them in the garbage. Every single time.
-I have to tell DH, every single night, to please put his dishes in the dishwasher and then start it. If I don’t specifically mention that he needs to finish loading the dishes in, and THEN start it, he will just go start it half full and leave a bunch of dirty dishes on the counter for the morning.
-I have to tell DH to get the kids ready for the day (we trade of days for getting them ready). He has to be told, every time, what that means. I can’t just say “get the kids ready please”. It has to be “can you change them out of their jammies?” And then “can you put shoes on them?” And so on and so forth.

I’m exhausted and bitter. [/quote]

I would say to him, “it concerns me that you need me to remind you to pick the dirty diapers off the floor every single day. Do you need this type of hand holding at work? No? Then why can’t you remember basic things at home?”

I wouldn’t be nasty but calm and genuine. Personally I suspect he is gas lighting you about not being able to remember but if he isn’t, that would suggest some pretty serious cognitive impairment. I mean that truthfully. I might actually say that to him so the embarrassment gets him off his ass.[/quote]

I’m the pp. I’ve tried. There is no conversation. He shuts down completely when I bring it up. He cannot account for it or give me any kind of explanation. He just says he will do better and then doesn’t. Basically he just tries to say anything to shut me up and make me go away so the conversation can end as quickly as possible. Silence is his other go to.

[b]My husband is very intelligent and does well at work but That’s it. That’s all he can really handle.[/b] We shouldn’t have had 2 kids, or he should have married someone different from me, someone without a career who would be content doing all the housework.[/quote]
Oof, PP!  I feel you on this.  My husband is very kind and is willing to pitch in as long as given instructions, but I feel like he is just sort of incapable of doing as much as me on a regular basis.  He feels like he deserves a break after work or on the weekends where he can just put his feet up.  Which... OK, but we have kids and a household and full-time jobs.  If we both took as much of a break as he seems to need, we would be living in squalor and our children would be unfed.  So... he gets irritated when I ask him to get off the couch and do a chore.  But yet -- this is all still stuff that needs to get done.  But then again, he would be 100% OK with never cleaning anything and ordering takeout every day of the week.[/quote]

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