Reply to Forced into a "Healing Circle"

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Reply to "Forced into a "Healing Circle""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Instead, be humble, kind, mildly apologetic and stay calm and positive.

When she says she didn’t feel heard, you say, “Gosh Jane, I’m so sorry. I truly didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Emails sometimes carry a tone that wasn’t intended. Please believe I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I enjoy working with you and your org, and I think we’re making great progress together on the project. Again, apologies. Shall we talk about the next steps with the project?”[/quote]

If this is what you consider "mildly apologetic," I don't know what you consider "apologetic."  The first three sentences are fine.  Then stop.[/quote]

I’m curious how old some of you responders are who are digging in...and where you are in your career...and your gender, race and industry.

I’m mid-career, executive level at an international nonprofit. White lady. I’ve fallen on my sword and taken the heat for others, and I can report that accepting responsibility or acknowledging others and then quickly redirecting the conversation to business (and away from feelings or personal attacks) is the way to go. In fact, I’ve seen several staff reprimanded or pushed out for the behavior being suggested here.

Maybe it worked for white men years ago, but pulling rank and getting defensive instead of acknowledging the current issue (whether real or imagined) won’t work. You’ll lose...especially if you are a white women.

Re: being apologetic - think, “Bless your heart!” It’s a polite way of acknowledging without losing face. When done well, it actually makes the whiner feel stupid for making a big deal out of nothing (or prompts others to think the whiner is the real problem).

But if you get defensive, you’ll lose. [/quote]

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