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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]op here — for those who are urging me ro tell AP’s spouse, I am considering it but there are many reasons here for me to believe that the affair was part of a fantasy for him and that he knew about it and was part of looking for additional men.  So, yes, the risks are huge health wise but I am not sure the ethics for me are exactly the same as if it was a more traditional situation.  But I am considering it seriously — just a note that his wife does have intercourse with men without protection in case he wants to use precaution.  That is a good idea.  My heart is so full of anger at him as well as his wife that it has felt more complicated.  Thx for understanding.  Maybe I can find a third party to do it.[/quote]

This is just me, but I wouldn't tell.  The last thing I need is bringing more people into the situation.  I have no idea how they react, if they say something publicly, bring my kids into the mix, etc. Best revenge is moving on and living a good life, or whatever moving on means to you.[/quote]

I often used the threat of telling neighbors, parents, etc. it would ruin his reputation. I haven’t yet for the sake of our kids but he knows it is a hammer that could fall on him at any time. Not a great way to live I know but this is where we are. [/quote]

He'll continue to cheat because all you do is talk talk talk with zero action. You're like the parent that constantly yells at their kids because they haven't learned effective parenting skills.

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