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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]op here — for those who are urging me ro tell AP’s spouse, I am considering it but there are many reasons here for me to believe that the affair was part of a fantasy for him and that he knew about it and was part of looking for additional men.  So, yes, the risks are huge health wise but I am not sure the ethics for me are exactly the same as if it was a more traditional situation.  But I am considering it seriously — just a note that his wife does have intercourse with men without protection in case he wants to use precaution.  That is a good idea.  My heart is so full of anger at him as well as his wife that it has felt more complicated.  Thx for understanding.  Maybe I can find a third party to do it.[/quote]

This is just me, but I wouldn't tell.  The last thing I need is bringing more people into the situation.  I have no idea how they react, if they say something publicly, bring my kids into the mix, etc. Best revenge is moving on and living a good life, or whatever moving on means to you.[/quote]

It would depend on the length of the affair.  The unprotected sex factor as well.  Some people need to do it for closure.  Additionally, you have another set of eyes watching.

People having affairs are broken people.  There is something wrong with them.  Most have zero introspection.  They will never be happy.  I also think everyone has a day when they will caught, even the most accomplished cheaters.

It's hard to reconcile them sleeping like a baby and skipping away when you can't eat/sleep or work for weeks on end and your life will never be the same.  When you find out your spouse who you had regular sex with was having unprotected sex with someone else---you feel like you have been raped.  You really want this person's spouse to know so they can protect themselves and not end up paying this lowlife undue alimony, etc. in the future.[/quote]

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