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[quote=Anonymous]NP. I was TOTALLY blindsided. It was with a coworker, just a couple of years after we were married. He left his computer open to his work email and I did not have a habit of reading snooping. But at the time we shared a laptop and I was getting on to do something else. I noticed a strange, suspicious subject line and I admit I clicked on it. I was disgusted but what I read, meeting in the stairwell to make out like teens. And crap about butterflies in her stomach.

I think I actually vomited I was so sick and shocked. He had been acting kind of distant and was doing lots of “work stuff” in the evenings but we’d only recently moved to that city and I honestly thought it was all because he was just adjusting. He wasn’t used to moving around and I was. Well,
SURPRISE!

I confronted him and of course he got mad about me reading his email and tried to turn it around so I was the bad guy. He tried to gaslight and also lied about the extent that things were going on with AP.

As to his why? “It just happened.”

I was too afraid to tell my family bc I feared they would blame me. I told a couple of select friends. I had this weird reaction where I both wanted to have him close so I knew he wasn’t with her and disgusted by his presence at the same time. I wanted him to stay and go simultaneously (isn’t that a Clash song?)

We did not have kids. No one moved out. We went to counseling. I think I cried every day for a year, no joke. And I felt sick for a couple of years because I didn’t feel my life was stable, it felt like my time with him was a lie, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the betrayal. I was kind of young (20s) and honestly did not know what to do. Worst time in my life, from the moment I found out to probably 3 years later. I was tortured by it all, and the therapist told me I feel things more than a lot of people, and because of that it might haunt me for a while. I would wake up thinking about it and go to sleep thinking about it.

The one day I realized I hadn’t thought about the affair or betrayal all day. It was a relief, because it meant that maybe one day I wouldn’t think about it at all.

11 years later we are still married and we are happy, with kids. Mind you, the first 3 years were miserable. Crying, therapy, accusations, feeling sick, feeling unsafe. Arguing, trying to have a normal life, pretending to have a normal life. It was unbelievably tough.

I am glad we stuck it out and we really are happy now. But my God, that was hard to get over. Part of it was because I honestly believed he was my best friend as well as my partner, and I was just shattered at his betrayal. I am tougher now.

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