Reply to I'm afraid I've seriously damaged my children's lives

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[quote=Anonymous]OP are you on ANY medication for depression? Definitely call the numbers pp posted.

Having been in the same mental and emotional place as you (fewer other people involved, and too poor to have 6 figure financial troubles, never mind IRS) I know that sometimes depression can smack you down with what feels like a sudden crystal clear realization of all the ways you have let your life unravel, it's like an emotional and mental hydrogen bomb going off.

Some experts argue that people with depression really DO see things more clearly than other people. But the huge sort of crystal ball view of your entire life and all its details, whether true or not, is hugely overwhelming. It does sound like your present partner, whether she means to be or not, is very, very warped and bad for you. It sounds like you need to make your life much, much smaller in order to move forward at all.

It's obviously a terrible time to be dealing with any of this, but contact any and all low cost mental health resources you can find. Some have been suggested. 211 is I think set up in all states (most, anyway) as a resource line. All around the country there are CILs (Centers for Independent Living--it will be called &lt;smething&gt; Center for independent living) with resources for people with disabling conditions (you don't have to be officially disabled or have a particular disability), Mental Health America (they also have peer support programs), the public mental health resource in your location (call your county or call your state human services department or if DC call your local offices)

What you CAN'T do is deal with all of this at one time. The more you think about the whole picture you're seeing, the bigger and more indigestible it becomes. Therapist I used to have, when I was in very bad shape, gave me rules, like:

paperwork type stuff (there was a lot of it) -- I was only allowed to do 15 min at a time, and not more than 15 min in an hour. It might have been 5 min at the start. And then congratulate myself and write down what I had done.

Find some kind of mnemonic/mantra to stop my brain from thinking about all the big, awful, horrible situation. Doesn't matter what. Mary Had a Little Lamb works. Something you have memorized and non-taxing. Idea I suppose is white noise for the brain.

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