OP, YOU HAVE YET TO ADDRESS WHY YOU ARE STILL MARRIED TO THIS WOMAN. You can fix this today, and fix things with your kids but you are choosing not to. It’s very simple.

Jesus, dude. Your depressed because your wife is abusive and you place absurd religious expectations on yourself.

It's probably tough to lose the wife right now, but lose the religious BS. God doesn't want you to be miserable (and if he did, he's a shitty god not worth caring about anyway).

Start establishing boundaries. Quit letting your wife dictate what you do. She'll throw a fit, just treat it like you would a toddler- be firm, don't get into an argument. If she doesn't like it, she's free to leave.

Although if you want an easy way out I guess you could just tell her you've converted to atheism or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your current wife your AP? Just curious, sounds like she a psycho like in some movies I have seen.

Probably

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is absolutely a troll. He drops in a comment to get people riled up every once in a while. He's not really asking anything on here.

100% not a troll.

A very stupid, broken (and broke), sick, depressed parody/shell of someone who once had a vibrant and joyful life. I no longer have any support network/friends to speak of so I really have no context or perspective, except for nagging doubt that is getting stronger and louder, prompting all of this.

I was seriously contemplating killing myself before Christmas (was in the final planning stages) but somehow got over it.

Then, what are you going to do to change your life?

OP are you on ANY medication for depression? Definitely call the numbers pp posted.

Having been in the same mental and emotional place as you (fewer other people involved, and too poor to have 6 figure financial troubles, never mind IRS) I know that sometimes depression can smack you down with what feels like a sudden crystal clear realization of all the ways you have let your life unravel, it's like an emotional and mental hydrogen bomb going off.

Some experts argue that people with depression really DO see things more clearly than other people. But the huge sort of crystal ball view of your entire life and all its details, whether true or not, is hugely overwhelming. It does sound like your present partner, whether she means to be or not, is very, very warped and bad for you. It sounds like you need to make your life much, much smaller in order to move forward at all.

It's obviously a terrible time to be dealing with any of this, but contact any and all low cost mental health resources you can find. Some have been suggested. 211 is I think set up in all states (most, anyway) as a resource line. All around the country there are CILs (Centers for Independent Living--it will be called <smething> Center for independent living) with resources for people with disabling conditions (you don't have to be officially disabled or have a particular disability), Mental Health America (they also have peer support programs), the public mental health resource in your location (call your county or call your state human services department or if DC call your local offices)

What you CAN'T do is deal with all of this at one time. The more you think about the whole picture you're seeing, the bigger and more indigestible it becomes. Therapist I used to have, when I was in very bad shape, gave me rules, like:

paperwork type stuff (there was a lot of it) -- I was only allowed to do 15 min at a time, and not more than 15 min in an hour. It might have been 5 min at the start. And then congratulate myself and write down what I had done.

Find some kind of mnemonic/mantra to stop my brain from thinking about all the big, awful, horrible situation. Doesn't matter what. Mary Had a Little Lamb works. Something you have memorized and non-taxing. Idea I suppose is white noise for the brain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is absolutely a troll. He drops in a comment to get people riled up every once in a while. He's not really asking anything on here.

100% not a troll.

A very stupid, broken (and broke), sick, depressed parody/shell of someone who once had a vibrant and joyful life. I no longer have any support network/friends to speak of so I really have no context or perspective, except for nagging doubt that is getting stronger and louder, prompting all of this.

I was seriously contemplating killing myself before Christmas (was in the final planning stages) but somehow got over it.

Op,

If you’re not a troll call the nami number. If you’re contemplating suicide call or chat with suicide prevention:
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Dcum can’t help you.

OP, is your current wife your AP? Just curious, sounds like she a psycho like in some movies I have seen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is your perspective. You could be dying from Coronavirus.

This is the perspective you need. Lots of people have given you advice but you are going on and on like a stuck record. Either you are a troll or you are stupid. You care for your kids only because you have no money left. You are pathetic. You do not have to divorce your wife. You just need to make your biological kids the beneficiary of everything you leave behind after your death and give them the legal papers and the ways to access that.

I will leave nothing at this point except a few family heirlooms and photos. I have no estate, just debt.

I just miss my kids and feel like I am coming out of a coma realizing what has been done...and what I have done.

But you are still alive, no?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is absolutely a troll. He drops in a comment to get people riled up every once in a while. He's not really asking anything on here.

100% not a troll.

A very stupid, broken (and broke), sick, depressed parody/shell of someone who once had a vibrant and joyful life. I no longer have any support network/friends to speak of so I really have no context or perspective, except for nagging doubt that is getting stronger and louder, prompting all of this.

I was seriously contemplating killing myself before Christmas (was in the final planning stages) but somehow got over it.

Extricate yourself from your marriage to this she-devil, declare bankruptcy, figure out a place to stay even if it’s with your elderly parents, and begin to repair your finances and your relationship with your children.

You only have one life on this earth, don’t surrender so easily. There is a path forward that ends with you being happy and okay again.

Anonymous wrote:Here is your perspective. You could be dying from Coronavirus.

This is the perspective you need. Lots of people have given you advice but you are going on and on like a stuck record. Either you are a troll or you are stupid. You care for your kids only because you have no money left. You are pathetic. You do not have to divorce your wife. You just need to make your biological kids the beneficiary of everything you leave behind after your death and give them the legal papers and the ways to access that.

I will leave nothing at this point except a few family heirlooms and photos. I have no estate, just debt.

I just miss my kids and feel like I am coming out of a coma realizing what has been done...and what I have done.

Anonymous wrote:This is absolutely a troll. He drops in a comment to get people riled up every once in a while. He's not really asking anything on here.

100% not a troll.

A very stupid, broken (and broke), sick, depressed parody/shell of someone who once had a vibrant and joyful life. I no longer have any support network/friends to speak of so I really have no context or perspective, except for nagging doubt that is getting stronger and louder, prompting all of this.

I was seriously contemplating killing myself before Christmas (was in the final planning stages) but somehow got over it.

Snap out of it, OP. You know you need to leave that psycho you're married to. Be there for your children.

Anonymous wrote:This is absolutely a troll. He drops in a comment to get people riled up every once in a while. He's not really asking anything on here.

For the sake of his children, I truly hope he is a troll and not just a loser deadbeat dad...

Here is your perspective. You could be dying from Coronavirus.

This is the perspective you need. Lots of people have given you advice but you are going on and on like a stuck record. Either you are a troll or you are stupid. You care for your kids only because you have no money left. You are pathetic. You do not have to divorce your wife. You just need to make your biological kids the beneficiary of everything you leave behind after your death and give them the legal papers and the ways to access that.

This is absolutely a troll. He drops in a comment to get people riled up every once in a while. He's not really asking anything on here.