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[quote=Anonymous]I'm guessing OP is an ER doc. A nurse in an ER doesn’t make the money at all for the lifestyle she is describing.

I work in an ER. Also shift work. But when I take call overnight, I just have to be able to get in within 15 min of receiving a page for a level 1 trauma. I don’t have to stay at the hospital like OP does due to a different specialty.

If that is what OP does for work, her 24 hour shifts in the ER are brutal. You cannot stay up through the night like that and not have it kill your health over time. It’s an intensity level unlike anything most people do for their working lives. Remember when you pulled an all-nighter in college? Try doing it when you are in your forties and fifties, several times a month, with no ability to nap the next morning. You have to keep going.

My DH handles 100% of everything on the weekends I take call. I am either at work or asleep at home. When we had kids at home, he did it all for them while I was on my shifts. This is the division of labor for just about everyone I know who works overnight in my ER. The spouse deals with the home life while they are at work and for many hours afterward so they can sleep. Otherwise no one can keep up this pace. The spouse does dinner after the shift and after the catch-up nap. OP can do the meals on her days off if that’s what they arrange. But on the night after a 30-hour day? No way.

I’d suggest 4-6 sessions with a counselor to sort this out. This seems unbelievably unfair to OP. It’s not sustainable— and her marriage will suffer as will her health eventually. And how would it make their child feel to know that Dad is so lazy that he doesn’t want to spend the time with them to do their drop offs and pick ups, that they are such a burden? Middle schoolers will pick up on this vibe.

My DH is older than I am and he retired early. I am still doing my work I’ve done for decades. He still handles the home front while I work. We are empty nesters but there is still stuff that needs to get done. We have a housecleaner twice a month for two hours for the basic cleaning (dusting, floors, bathrooms). But he deals with all the minutiae related to food, laundry, pets, Christmas shopping, oil changes in my car, making travel arrangements. He also volunteers 500 hours/year in his former work field in a different capacity than his paid employment was, which is great. But he definitely handles the home front and that was just understood when he retired early. [/quote]

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