Reply to Whats the thing you’ve changed about yourself that had a positive impact on your marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So many things:

Started with myself first.  Began meditation to deal with overwhelm and made exercise a priority.

Did Imago and Gottman therapy with spouse.  Highly recommend both.

Established healthy boundaries with pushy in-laws.  Talked maturely with spouse about why the boundaries were key to our family’s well-being.

Learned (from my kids) how to apologize.  Modeled it for spouse who now does it well too.

Pursued my career dreams even though they scared my spouse.

Currently working on resolving disagreements quickly.  Otherwise, we both retreat out of fear, stalemate ensues.  Life is too short.

We’re 23 years in.  He’s a weirdo.  I’m a perfectionist.  Seems to work. 
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+1 Imago. My DH and I did Imago in couples counseling before getting married to help with our communication. We still occasionally use the techniques.

Re the OP, the thing I changed about myself: I too worked on myself. Another way of putting it is I became selfish and started to put myself first. I had put myself last (no one had asked me to) for almost a decade while having and raising kids. Concrete changes include going into therapy, losing 17 lbs, working out daily, prioritizing my sleep, spending money and time on my appearance (e.g., new flattering clothes), asking for more sexually, getting an IUD, pursuing creative writing, spending more time with friends, more dates with DH, accepting party invitations, telling DH that he must take his body and health seriously (he gained over 100 lbs over the course of our marriage and has developed lot of health issues that he's ignored; so far he's lost @ 15 lbs and is taking medication for his chronic health conditions). It's making me happier overall and a much more vital partner for DH.
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