Anonymous wrote:Stopped looking at porn

You're a man, right? I think for women, looking at porn would improve their relationship.

3 maybe 4 years ago I decided to make all negatives in my life positive. And worked hard on it. If I felt myself getting angry I stopped, counted to 10 slowly and turned that anger into love.

Not only did it work, my husband started to do the same just by seeing what more love does. Another plus, stress and anxiety are nearly gone. Amazing. We are a team. A very tight team. Someone told me they could tell just by looking at us how much we love each other. I wish I had known all this long ago but you can't change what happened then. You can only move forward.

When your heart chakra it flows on it's own, you don't have to think it through. Everyday my heart fills more with love. I am new.

Anonymous wrote:Wife always wanted to play pitcher, so we bought her a toy so she can pitch from time to time. She gets off...!

I am confused. What did you change about yourself that had a positive impact on your marriage? What does your statement mean?

You took yourself out and replaced yourself with a toy and now your wife gets off? She was not getting off with you?

Wife always wanted to play pitcher, so we bought her a toy so she can pitch from time to time. She gets off...!

Anonymous wrote:

+1 Imago. My DH and I did Imago in couples counseling before getting married to help with our communication. We still occasionally use the techniques.

Re the OP, the thing I changed about myself: I too worked on myself. Another way of putting it is I became selfish and started to put myself first. I had put myself last (no one had asked me to) for almost a decade while having and raising kids. Concrete changes include going into therapy, losing 17 lbs, working out daily, prioritizing my sleep, spending money and time on my appearance (e.g., new flattering clothes), asking for more sexually, getting an IUD, pursuing creative writing, spending more time with friends, more dates with DH, accepting party invitations, telling DH that he must take his body and health seriously (he gained over 100 lbs over the course of our marriage and has developed lot of health issues that he's ignored; so far he's lost @ 15 lbs and is taking medication for his chronic health conditions). It's making me happier overall and a much more vital partner for DH.

I think this is really really important.

Scheduling sex.

If I'm angry or upset, waiting a certain amount of time to express it.

Squeezing out every bit of alone time, even if it's just staying up a little longer on a weeknight to sit on the couch together after the kids are asleep.

Anonymous wrote:Started taking meds to treat my ADD.

+1

Stopped looking at porn

I am very calm with my DH (we are both laid-back), but I found myself losing my temper with the kids (like when they can't get ready for school on time or when they start running around the house like crazy, about to injure themselves, or when I tell them 10 times to do xyz and they don't hear me), so I made an effort to remain calm with them and find other strategies of getting them to do what I need them to do, and when it works, it improves our overall family life and hence my marriage.

Anonymous wrote:So many things:

Started with myself first. Began meditation to deal with overwhelm and made exercise a priority.

Did Imago and Gottman therapy with spouse. Highly recommend both.

Established healthy boundaries with pushy in-laws. Talked maturely with spouse about why the boundaries were key to our family’s well-being.

Learned (from my kids) how to apologize. Modeled it for spouse who now does it well too.

Pursued my career dreams even though they scared my spouse.

Currently working on resolving disagreements quickly. Otherwise, we both retreat out of fear, stalemate ensues. Life is too short.

We’re 23 years in. He’s a weirdo. I’m a perfectionist. Seems to work.

+1 Imago. My DH and I did Imago in couples counseling before getting married to help with our communication. We still occasionally use the techniques.

Re the OP, the thing I changed about myself: I too worked on myself. Another way of putting it is I became selfish and started to put myself first. I had put myself last (no one had asked me to) for almost a decade while having and raising kids. Concrete changes include going into therapy, losing 17 lbs, working out daily, prioritizing my sleep, spending money and time on my appearance (e.g., new flattering clothes), asking for more sexually, getting an IUD, pursuing creative writing, spending more time with friends, more dates with DH, accepting party invitations, telling DH that he must take his body and health seriously (he gained over 100 lbs over the course of our marriage and has developed lot of health issues that he's ignored; so far he's lost @ 15 lbs and is taking medication for his chronic health conditions). It's making me happier overall and a much more vital partner for DH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy - new positions, new locations, role playing, the list goes on.

isn’t that considered kinky? You’re definitions are confusing me.

Depends on the roles! If you play like you're strangers who met at a bar or maybe one of you is a masseuse that's getting handsy, probably not that kinky. If it's age play or maybe one of you is the Gimp, could be.

NP. DH and I often do age play (usually him being older and me being younger). We usually also incorporate infidelity somehow.

It's actually really fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I became more sexually adventurous (not kinky or swapping) and it had a very positive impact. I also found I really enjoyed it!

how does one become more sexually adventurous without being kinky?

Easy - new positions, new locations, role playing, the list goes on.

How many new positions are there? And i feel like I've done all that are physically possible for me ... ( no wheelbarrow position, thanks)

Sexually adventurous mainly means that you are in synch with your partner, find him/her desirable, want to experiment with them, find pleasure in the sex act with them, trust them. Your comment makes me feel that you are not getting what is being said here by the first pp.

Probably true ... because I was focused on new positions and can't even fathom what new positions we could find at this point. That doesn't mean we aren't in sync. And I do find him desirable, want to experiment, etc. etc.

-An effort for more bjs
-time for each other even if it’s just errands or dinner without the kids
-patience. I’m the worst but getting better

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy - new positions, new locations, role playing, the list goes on.

isn’t that considered kinky? You’re definitions are confusing me.

Depends on the roles! If you play like you're strangers who met at a bar or maybe one of you is a masseuse that's getting handsy, probably not that kinky. If it's age play or maybe one of you is the Gimp, could be.

Anonymous wrote:Easy - new positions, new locations, role playing, the list goes on.

isn’t that considered kinky? You’re definitions are confusing me.