Reply to Told brother I don't want to meet OW

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He is your brother.  You don’t know the details of what was going on in the marriage.  You are making a mistake.  [/quote]

Plus 1[/quote]

There are literally no "details of the marriage" that make cheating OK.  While OP can't force her brother not to cheat in the marriage, HE also can't force her to do something that is against her ethical values.

If it were me, I would take the position another PP stated - one wife at a time.  When the divorce is finalized with the 1st wife, you will be willing to meet a second wife or partner.  You should be cordial to AP, but personally, I would never trust her or befriend her.  Treat her like a work colleague or someone that you are obliged to have a cordial but not personal or warm relationship with. If that means that brother chooses to go elsewhere for Thanksgiving, so be it.  Meanwhile, I would try to maintain a relationship with brother individually by inviting him to do things that wouldn't normally incorporate a spouse or partner -- meet up for lunch during the work day (presuming AP wasn't in brother's place of employment).

People who say, "you don't know the details of what was going on in the marriage" are implying that the wife's behavior could be responsible for the husband's cheating.  That is never the case.  We are each in control of our own behavior.   Outsiders who choose to "blame the marriage" or imply that cheating happened because of sexual dissatisfaction are playing the role of bystander to emotional abuse.  Welcoming an AP before the divorce is official is being too much of a bystander for me; it's not a role I would be ethically comfortable playing.  [/quote]

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