Reply to Where do you think mean kids get it from?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Where do you think mean kids get it from?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was just wondering this myself yesterday when I went to pick up my rising kindergartner at camp. As my son was grabbing his backpack 2 girls his age very obviously whispered and giggled something about either my son or me, right in front of my face. One of my son's good friends (a boy) was sitting at their table and actually called them out on it. I don't know what was said (I'm sure it was something stupid), but the behavior really irritated me. I told them it wasn't nice to talk about other people right in front of them. One of these girls pushed my son a couple of months ago because she didn't want him playing with her and her friend (probably the other girl in the whispering scenario, if I had to guess). I actually work with the mom of the girl who pushed, and she is a very nice person. I can't imagine her daughter is learning this stuff from home unless it's from her older brother (my son has told me about mean things the brother has said at aftercare). I think the mom is overwhelmed at work so it probably is a combo of long hours in group care and not having the opportunity to observe her kid's behavior in this type of setting.

If I catch my kid being mean to others I will nip that in the bud real quick, as I have in the couple of times I have seen it from him. It's definitely something I am worried about as he starts kindergarten. Kids can be mean and are influenced by all sorts of experiences.[/quote]

Okay, but this is the kind of thing I commented on earlier. This is really normal experimentation with anti-social behavior. I'm NOT saying it's "okay," but if this is what is meant by "mean kids" then everyone has lost the plot. [i]Most kids do this at some point. [/i] Including (probably!) your kid, PP. And mine, I'm sure. If this is "all the parents' fault"-- as seems to be the consensus-- then 93% of us are terrible parents. If this phase lasts longer than a couple of months and is consistent over that time, okay, then let's talk. But this sounds like mostly a case of the Fundamental Attribution Error.

I.e., either "my kid would NEVER" or "when my kid did it, I nipped it in the bud and it was short-lived" or possibly, "Yes, my kid did this once, but it was just to get back at a bully/he didn't understand what he was doing/he didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings." Vs. "I KNOW Larla is inherently a MEAN GIRL because I saw her do these one or two things and I just KNOW it was out of MALICE."

Now, I know we all know the relatively rare kid who is almost sociopathic with this stuff-- is "mean" consistently for years on end, at least. That's a different story. But I think a lot of people are using a couple of incidents to decide who is "mean," like it's this immutable thing... and caused by the parents, of course.   [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics