Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 15:05     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:I've been wondering on this thread what exactly is meant by "mean kids". And yes, I think most posters have lost the plot.

Mean means nasty.
Me thinks you are one if you need to ask.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 15:03     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
I've been wondering on this thread what exactly is meant by "mean kids". And yes, I think most posters have lost the plot.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 14:59     Subject: Re:Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:I was just wondering this myself yesterday when I went to pick up my rising kindergartner at camp. As my son was grabbing his backpack 2 girls his age very obviously whispered and giggled something about either my son or me, right in front of my face. One of my son's good friends (a boy) was sitting at their table and actually called them out on it. I don't know what was said (I'm sure it was something stupid), but the behavior really irritated me. I told them it wasn't nice to talk about other people right in front of them. One of these girls pushed my son a couple of months ago because she didn't want him playing with her and her friend (probably the other girl in the whispering scenario, if I had to guess). I actually work with the mom of the girl who pushed, and she is a very nice person. I can't imagine her daughter is learning this stuff from home unless it's from her older brother (my son has told me about mean things the brother has said at aftercare). I think the mom is overwhelmed at work so it probably is a combo of long hours in group care and not having the opportunity to observe her kid's behavior in this type of setting.

If I catch my kid being mean to others I will nip that in the bud real quick, as I have in the couple of times I have seen it from him. It's definitely something I am worried about as he starts kindergarten. Kids can be mean and are influenced by all sorts of experiences.


Okay, but this is the kind of thing I commented on earlier. This is really normal experimentation with anti-social behavior. I'm NOT saying it's "okay," but if this is what is meant by "mean kids" then everyone has lost the plot. Most kids do this at some point. Including (probably!) your kid, PP. And mine, I'm sure. If this is "all the parents' fault"-- as seems to be the consensus-- then 93% of us are terrible parents. If this phase lasts longer than a couple of months and is consistent over that time, okay, then let's talk. But this sounds like mostly a case of the Fundamental Attribution Error.

I.e., either "my kid would NEVER" or "when my kid did it, I nipped it in the bud and it was short-lived" or possibly, "Yes, my kid did this once, but it was just to get back at a bully/he didn't understand what he was doing/he didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings." Vs. "I KNOW Larla is inherently a MEAN GIRL because I saw her do these one or two things and I just KNOW it was out of MALICE."

Now, I know we all know the relatively rare kid who is almost sociopathic with this stuff-- is "mean" consistently for years on end, at least. That's a different story. But I think a lot of people are using a couple of incidents to decide who is "mean," like it's this immutable thing... and caused by the parents, of course.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 14:58     Subject: Re:Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:Its a combination of things. Parents only have so much influence over certain kids.

It’s usually the parents who control what environment the children have.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 14:56     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Pushover mothers are NOT “sweet”.
They are horrific examples for their children.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 14:54     Subject: Re:Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was just wondering this myself yesterday when I went to pick up my rising kindergartner at camp. As my son was grabbing his backpack 2 girls his age very obviously whispered and giggled something about either my son or me, right in front of my face. One of my son's good friends (a boy) was sitting at their table and actually called them out on it. I don't know what was said (I'm sure it was something stupid), but the behavior really irritated me. I told them it wasn't nice to talk about other people right in front of them. One of these girls pushed my son a couple of months ago because she didn't want him playing with her and her friend (probably the other girl in the whispering scenario, if I had to guess). I actually work with the mom of the girl who pushed, and she is a very nice person. I can't imagine her daughter is learning this stuff from home unless it's from her older brother (my son has told me about mean things the brother has said at aftercare). I think the mom is overwhelmed at work so it probably is a combo of long hours in group care and not having the opportunity to observe her kid's behavior in this type of setting.

If I catch my kid being mean to others I will nip that in the bud real quick, as I have in the couple of times I have seen it from him. It's definitely something I am worried about as he starts kindergarten. Kids can be mean and are influenced by all sorts of experiences.


Why is it all about the mom here? Maybe they learn this behavior from their dad, especially the older brother.




+1. One of the meanest people I knew had a mom who was a sweet pushover but then I met their dad and he is a massive jerk. He actually ran a company and was notorious for saying absolutely awful things about his workers both to their faces and to other workers. He made people cry on a daily basis.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 14:51     Subject: Re:Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:I was just wondering this myself yesterday when I went to pick up my rising kindergartner at camp. As my son was grabbing his backpack 2 girls his age very obviously whispered and giggled something about either my son or me, right in front of my face. One of my son's good friends (a boy) was sitting at their table and actually called them out on it. I don't know what was said (I'm sure it was something stupid), but the behavior really irritated me. I told them it wasn't nice to talk about other people right in front of them. One of these girls pushed my son a couple of months ago because she didn't want him playing with her and her friend (probably the other girl in the whispering scenario, if I had to guess). I actually work with the mom of the girl who pushed, and she is a very nice person. I can't imagine her daughter is learning this stuff from home unless it's from her older brother (my son has told me about mean things the brother has said at aftercare). I think the mom is overwhelmed at work so it probably is a combo of long hours in group care and not having the opportunity to observe her kid's behavior in this type of setting.

If I catch my kid being mean to others I will nip that in the bud real quick, as I have in the couple of times I have seen it from him. It's definitely something I am worried about as he starts kindergarten. Kids can be mean and are influenced by all sorts of experiences.


Why is it all about the mom here? Maybe they learn this behavior from their dad, especially the older brother.

Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 14:42     Subject: Re:Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Parents - they don’t discipline their children at a very early age and bad behavior sets in. “Spare the rod and spoil the child”. Children are very, very smart and they will forever test the boundaries and if there are none then anything goes.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 14:33     Subject: Re:Where do you think mean kids get it from?
I was just wondering this myself yesterday when I went to pick up my rising kindergartner at camp. As my son was grabbing his backpack 2 girls his age very obviously whispered and giggled something about either my son or me, right in front of my face. One of my son's good friends (a boy) was sitting at their table and actually called them out on it. I don't know what was said (I'm sure it was something stupid), but the behavior really irritated me. I told them it wasn't nice to talk about other people right in front of them. One of these girls pushed my son a couple of months ago because she didn't want him playing with her and her friend (probably the other girl in the whispering scenario, if I had to guess). I actually work with the mom of the girl who pushed, and she is a very nice person. I can't imagine her daughter is learning this stuff from home unless it's from her older brother (my son has told me about mean things the brother has said at aftercare). I think the mom is overwhelmed at work so it probably is a combo of long hours in group care and not having the opportunity to observe her kid's behavior in this type of setting.

If I catch my kid being mean to others I will nip that in the bud real quick, as I have in the couple of times I have seen it from him. It's definitely something I am worried about as he starts kindergarten. Kids can be mean and are influenced by all sorts of experiences.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 13:34     Subject: Re:Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Its a combination of things. Parents only have so much influence over certain kids.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 13:27     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:PP 9:27 and let me mention that the hard partying cabal of parents began all of this popular (adult) kid behavior when the children were babies. Started with playgroups, poker nights, then same preschool, then same travel sports, etc.

All are now front-loaded PTA board, athletic boosters, travel sports board, coaches (!). They’ve infiltrated.

Kind of funny, kind of pathetic but why I stand by my theory that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and parents (at least of these growing children) have created this mess. And, it’s a mess. Thinking collectively about these parents’ kids and there’s not one I’d happily have my own DC befriend.


Right? Being social is mean behavior.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 13:18     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
PP 9:27 and let me mention that the hard partying cabal of parents began all of this popular (adult) kid behavior when the children were babies. Started with playgroups, poker nights, then same preschool, then same travel sports, etc.

All are now front-loaded PTA board, athletic boosters, travel sports board, coaches (!). They’ve infiltrated.

Kind of funny, kind of pathetic but why I stand by my theory that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and parents (at least of these growing children) have created this mess. And, it’s a mess. Thinking collectively about these parents’ kids and there’s not one I’d happily have my own DC befriend.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 13:16     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
It’s the parents.

Admittedly, sibling and I were not nice to other kids. But, we were being bullied at home by our parents, esp father.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 13:10     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I enrolled our DDs in Korean street fighting a few years ago and they are now black belts. When our grade school child was being bullied by a boy on the playground, she whipped out a roundhouse kick one day. Didn't hit him anywhere close, but it was a warning. He has never picked on her again.

My DDs are quietly confident. They know they could literally kick an attacker's ass if that were a last resort. I highly recommend martial arts for girls.


Oh please. That's not even a thing.


Seriously, Someone's been playing too many video games.



The quietly confident DD is going to RAGE On the mean girls at prom! She's going to unleash a series of roundhouse kicks Street Fighter style while they dance around her one by one in their Louboutins!
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2019 13:08     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I enrolled our DDs in Korean street fighting a few years ago and they are now black belts. When our grade school child was being bullied by a boy on the playground, she whipped out a roundhouse kick one day. Didn't hit him anywhere close, but it was a warning. He has never picked on her again.

My DDs are quietly confident. They know they could literally kick an attacker's ass if that were a last resort. I highly recommend martial arts for girls.


Oh please. That's not even a thing.


Seriously, Someone's been playing too many video games.