Reply to Not Going to Close Relatives Funeral

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it unacceptable to not go to a close relatives funeral who died of old age? I hate funerals. I know for some people it helps them mourn and get closure, but for me they just creep me out. It's not how I want to remember the deceased. Other people view funerals differently and emotions can run high during mourning. I'm concerned family members will think I'm selfish for not attending.[/quote]

They will think you are selfish because you are selfish. The funeral isn't about you, but about the entire family. Are you part of the family by choice?[/quote]

I.Don't.Care. what you think. I have a fundamental difference of opinion about the need, desire, and purpose of a funeral. i can support my family before and after the funeral. And that will be more helpful than a single day. So, you and and I have very different definitions of what is selfish.

You folks keep saying the funeral isn't about you. Well, it isn't about you either. It's supposed to be about the deceased. And he or she doesn't know I"m not there.

[/quote]

Op, do you really worry about family believing you are selfish? There is a fundamental difference of opinion here and I’m wondering why you should care about the opinion of someone who would hold a grudge about your attendance? Is that even the kind of person you want to have around you?

My fil didn’t attend his son’s funeral and I looked down on him for it, felt he could have sucked up his lame excuses but I also know he was hit so hard by the pain it was likely crippling. It took some time but I don’t look down on him for that now. [/quote]

I'm the poster you're responding to and not the OP. I don't really worry about it, frankly. But, just trying to give the other side of the issue. It's not just that funerals are "creepy", some are not. I tend to prefer the "celebrations of life" for that reason. That is going to be my lasting memory of the deceased. And a funeral home environment with open casket and lots of depressing moments is not how I choose to remember the deceased. I was traumatized by that as a kid. And I'm just not going to do it in the vast majority of cases.

I get people don't get it, like it, understand it, think it's selfish, etc. etc. I'm explaining my and others' position. I'm not trying to please them. As many of those posters have been so quick to say, it's not about them.[/quote]

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