Reply to Would you look the other way on cheating if everything else was perfect?

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Reply to "Would you look the other way on cheating if everything else was perfect?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I’m not sure why my marriage arrangement bothers you so much, because I’m happy. My husband is my husband - we have the house, the cars, the holidays, the vacations, the financial accounts. This is not at risk. We are committed to each other as primary partners. Our kids see a mature, loving partnership based on openness and trust, rather than duplicity and deception, as is the case in cheating relationships. I adore him and he adores me. His occasional dalliance does not negate that.

Are you really wondering about the financial and societal benefits of marriage? That the efforts and energies of two people together is greater than maintaining two separate households? [/quote]

I completely agree with your perspective on marriage. I don't think monogamy is biologically normal and I'm not religious, so why should I give up a great relationship because my man wanted a little new physical excitement?  I used to be devastated when he cheated, like the world ended. Every time I thought of those women and the circumstances around them I'd feel stick to my stomach.

But then I cheated, and now I totally get it. I can 100% understand how me wanting to kiss a new guy doesn't change my love for my partner or the strength of our relationship at all. I can understand now how sometimes it really can just be a physical thing. [/quote]

I also agree with this -- marriage can handle a lot more complexity than a lot of these posters think, and that often, the affair is much, much more about the cheater discovering a new side of themselves, than about anything missing in their primary partner. If the primary partner can be open to it, life can be really full. I love Esther Perel and everything she has to say about modern marriage. Love her TED talks and podcast, highly recommend to anyone following this thread with interest.[/quote]

Many don't share Perel's views and view her as a phony.

Chump lady doesn't have kind things to say about her either. Actually her analysis is pretty spot on.[/quote]

Chump Lady has built a career from being a victim. Pretty sad if you think about it. (And I’ve been cheated on.) [/quote]

Actually she has multiple degrees, works and is happily remarried for many years. Far from a victim.[/quote]

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