Reply to DW work is impacting our marriage - looking for advice from the smart people of DCUM

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, Let me give you another perspective.  As a long-term SAH I have lost a lot of my identity.  When I start to work in September I am going to make crazy sacrifices at a job I don't even like that much just to have a chance to become employed, i.e. human, again.  My DH has a demanding job.

If we have sex once it's been a good month.  I used to initiate, even pick fights about our low frequency but I do not because I am no longer physically attracted to DH.  Whether I SAH or work 70 hours a week, that will not change.  Baths, champagne and roses might make me feel guilty for turning him down but would not rekindle desire in any meaningful way.

[b]I suspect that if it were up to your DW she would have sex with you far less frequently, not even every month.  She probably obliges you because she did not feel able to refuse you during her SAH years.  You made all the money, had all the power, she wasn't working.  What credible excuse could she have for denying you?  Now she is shifting the balance of power, becoming someone again in the larger society, instead of merely in your home.  You will never go back to 3x weekly, not even if you hire 10 au pairs and eat out every night.  This is a new phase in your marriage.[/b]

If I were you I would only try to negotiate on behalf of the kids now.  If her job allows flexibility insist that she be home for dinner X nights a week.  Make no other demands at this time.  If you are faithful and patient and unselfish, perhaps your wife will allow you to continue to be married to her.  In time the relationship can be reborn.  Not now.[/quote]

lol

TRUTH[/quote]

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