Reply to s/o what is the solution to lack of desire?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How often did you take her on date nights when you were dating/first married? How often do you do that now?

How often did both of you sleep in and just spend weekend mornings chatting or going for a walk hand in hand? How often do you do that now?

I have a friend who used to spend every single evening laying on the couch and cuddling with her husband before children came along. They do not have the time to do so now.

So what if women claim that men do not do these things as often anymore because the husbands reject them? What if they say that when their husbands do not do these things they feel unloved?

Marriage, especially with children, changes. It is not just the physical strain; there are emotional strains as well. Children get sick, children are falling behind in one way or another(behavioral challenges etc.). These things cloud minds and make it difficult to engage focus or entertain the warm feelings sometimes needed for sex.

And women change. Their biology does. It has nothing to do with you being rejected or them not loving you. You said for better or for worse in your vows. For worse should include your wife not liking sex as much as she did in the past. You can't make it about you and your feelings of rejection when you know it is not true.[/quote]

Although less frequent, we still go on regular date nights, still spend evenings on the couch or weekend mornings in bed. Due to time constraints, it is not as often, yet not a 7 fold reduction (per the sex every 3 weeks PP). Here is the thing though: my wife has never come to me expressing her feeling of pain and said that she feels unloved because we go on fewer dates. Neither has she ever really invited me on a date/cuddle on the couch/stay in bad where I have just "rejected" her. Maybe she's lost some interest in those things?

I don't believe she feels rejected or unloved over any of those things. But if she did, and if she approached me about it, I would DEFINITELY take her needs seriously, and I would move heaven and earth to find a way to resume meeting her continued need for more dates or whatever it was. I never disliked any of those things, so I am fine with doing those however often she needs, even if otherwise it would be much less frequent.

You have barriers due to emotional or physical strains? If those kinds of things prevented me from meeting an important need of my wife, I would actively participate in drastic restructuring of our lives, or ask for help, or whatever it took for me to be able to meet her needs.

Please explain this biology change of women. You mean PIV is less pleasurable? Fine, there a thousand other fun ways to have "sex" so that lack of PIV need not limit frequency.[/quote]

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