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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Name one other important thing (which your partner has expressed is a relationship dealbreaker) that was frequent while dating/early marriage but now "no longer happens"?

Imagine you are a normal drive male wanting sex 2 or 3 times per week. You find a girl who checks all your boxes AND shares your passion for sex, and you have a mutually satisfying sex life (2 or 3 times per week) for a year while dating, another year post-engagement until wedding day, then another few years until the babies start coming. Maybe there's a slowdown (but NOT a dead stop!) with an infant, but that is a very brief period in a long marriage with an established history of a regular sex life.

So at this point, why would a wife now decide our sexual frequency should drop from every 3 days to every 3 weeks (a 7 fold reduction), despite my honest expression that this is an important need and I feel unloved when she rejects me? I have a difficult time coming up with any good "reasons" for such a drastic change, other than my wife does not actually love or care about me any more, that I am no longer important to her, that our marriage is not a priority for her.[/quote]

Imagine you are a normal single girl.  You spend your time working, partying, dating, going out, sleeping in, traveling on a moment's notice.  You spend your money on clothes, grooming, and things that are important only to you. Your stress level is non-existent.  Your responsibilities to anyone who isn't you are zero.

Now imagine ten years later you are a mother of three small children who also works and owns and house.  Your entire life is devoted to people other than you who need you because they can't do shit for themselves.  The entire responsibility for how these people turn out is on your shoulders.  You HAVE to hold down your job to pay for your house.  You HAVE to put dinner on the table every day because the version of you ten years ago could have been happy with chips and margarita, three young kids who look at you expectingly every evening will decidedly not be.  You have to juggle a million thoughts and responsibilities in your mind.  The last time you slept in was under general anesthesia for your last C-section.  Your body is OK for your age but three pregnancies and births have written their own stories all over it. You buy stuff for yourself occasionally with what's left after serving all other needs.  You love your life.  But it has nothing in common with how you lived ten years ago.

Then you read an indignant account from a DCUM poster who says, why aren't you exactly like you were ten years ago???

And you say, because my life is no longer what it was, and I wonder how it is that you don't know it. [/quote]

You've got to throw hormones into that equation. Men will look at all of this stuff and say, "yeah, my life is a lot more work too, but I still want to have sex." (We can get into a food fight about which gender has it worse -- but I think it's fair to say both genders have increased responsibility as they age). The reason men mostly still want to have sex and women often find their desire flat-lining is that men, relative to women, have shit loads of testosterone in their systems -- making their sex drives much more resistant to stress. [/quote]

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