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[quote=Anonymous]I'm a low libido spouse, we have small kids, and I have wicked long term depression. I prioritize sex very highly, despite all of that, but it takes a lot of inner/personal work. With that said:

Even with unfortunately low libido, I cannot imagine saying I'd be happy never to have sex again. This is because my husband is amazing in bed, and it is earth shattering. So it helps a lot in trying to get myself to a receptive place (which is my main obstacle, getting myself open to it in a given moment) to know that if I can become receptive, it's going to be GOOD.

There was a time earlier in our marriage, when I first started struggling with poor libido and decided I care a lot about our marriage and therefore care a lot about fostering a good sex life, that we had to face things head on and have some uncomfortable conversations. But it was NEVER "fix this or I'm outta here", it was "ok, we have different libidos, what can we do to meet in the middle?" - I bought us each a book to read, and I can't even remember what they were, but it helped for us each to be working on improving sex, like it wasn't just my issue (even though we obviously knew I had an issue), but we approached it as a couple. I wish I could recall the book he read, but it definitely resulted in better "performance" on his end, in multiple regards. Whatever I read had to do with responsive desire and getting myself to a place of being receptive. Anyway, the takeaways here are (1) it's an issue you both are having, and you both can work on it, actively and together; (2) I don't mean to insult you, but if your wife can imagine never having sex again, then the sex is mediocre. You can always up your game, so take some responsibility on your end as well.

Also, I agree with those saying there's no magical punch list you can perform that will result in more sex with your wife, HOWEVER, very few men realize the power of CONSISTENT long term (not just here and there when they "want some") physical sweetness towards their wives. In the boring day to day, how often do you hold her hand? Rub her back? Give her a hug like you really love her and want her to know? Run your fingers through her hair? Put your arm around her shoulder? Try just giving a shit in these regards ... with consistency, this really does make a difference. If it feels like a guy's just doing it to try to get you in the mood, it's annoying. But if it's a sincere change and just consistently showing that you love her, it can be a game changer. Offer to rub her back, or her feet, hands, scalp, whatever she's into when you all are going to sleep at night - with ZERO expectation of anything back from her (although hopefully she reciprocates sometimes too, if you start doing this regularly), and if that never leads to sex initiated by her, then I don't know what else to tell you. But I very seriously doubt you're doing these things AND good in bed, and still have a wife who never wants to have sex. [/quote]

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