Reply to Upset that sister has been given family home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I applaud you for taking the opportunity of using DCUM as a sounding board and sorting out your feelings and reactions here, so that you don't affect your family relationships with trying to discuss these problems with family members.  Any discussion with the family members could affect the relationships going forward and be longer lasting than you intend.  I think this introspection here is going to be healthier for you and your relationship with your sister moving forward.

While I understand that it was convenient for your sister to move home, she still made the choice to move in with ailing relatives.  It's a daunting proposition especially when you are young to be moving into a home with aging relatives knowing that there will always be some burdens on you, your time and your freedom.  While she may have had daily help from other family members for the elder care, I can tell you from experience, both mine and a neighbor's that the live-in family member always has more burden than most other people understand.  The live-in caretaker is the one who gets to come home to find the toilets blocked up, light bulbs that need to be replaced, heavier items than the relative can carry that need to be moved, and a ton of other tasks that have built up after the other family members went home.  Or things that they didn't want to bother the visitors with.  This person gets to run the errands on weekends or take time off work when one of the visiting family members has to cancel at the last minute.  While it isn't all the time, over a month, season, year, two years, it builds up.  Other people get colds, have their own appointments that are rescheduled involuntarily, have a fall, a flat tire, an accident, and a dozen other things happen.  The person in the house so often gets to pick up the pieces when the unexpected happens often just "because she's there."

I don't think anyone (or at least not many) who disagreed with you felt that the decision for your sister to move in or for you to continue working and building your life felt were devaluing your own relationship with your aunt or your uncle.  No one is saying you didn't visit enough.  The point is that you were able to  keep your life independent.  Your sister had to merge her life with your uncle and aunt by moving in with them.  There are a ton of little associations that come with living with someone.  Your sister would know that your uncle has a favorite cup that he always drinks his coffee in.  That he prefers to keep the newspapers in the room with the morning sun.  That he likes jam and not butter on toast.  Over the course of two years, even with a lot of help, the live-in person gets to know the relative so well in personal ways.  It isn't about how warm a relationship you have with the person.  I'm sure you did have a wonderful relationship with them.  But your sister will have a familiarity and personal relationship that comes from living with someone to build on.  That naturally builds a strong bond.

As other people have said, this keeps the house in your family.  Many of the thoughts that lead you to your feeling of entitlement were the milestone experiences that you had in that house.  [b]Consider that if your uncle had left the house to his estate, it would have had to be sold for each of you to get "your share". [/b] But by leaving it to your sister, the house stays in the family and you have the opportunity for more experiences in the house.  Your sister might be open to allowing you to celebrate say a milestone anniversary in the house or some other milestone event.  If you are gracious about the disposition of your uncle's house, she will likely be more open about such future events than if you are antagonistic about the disposition of the house or show resentment over this.

Good luck.  I think you've done very well over the course of this thread with so many people disagreeing with you.  Many OPs are not able to handle opposing viewpoints well in such threads and I commend you for still being open to these thoughts.  And for coming back.  Many OPs bail on a thread when they get so many opposing opinions.[/quote]
+1
[b]Joint ownership of a house is a nightmare inheritance scenario.  [/b]The result would almost certainly have been that the house be sold.

This isn't about who was "closest" to your aunt and uncle.  They owned the house, they decided how to dispose of it.  Their decision is a perfectly reasonable one.  There would have been other ways to handle it, but the way they chose is well within the realm of normal.  [/quote]

i co-own a property with my 2 siblings and it is working out fine. it's nobody's primary residence, we divide all costs. everybody uses it on occasion - my sister frequently but stays a short time; i go there less often but stay longer.[/quote]

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