Reply to Upset that sister has been given family home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am trying to work through my anger at my sister and thought maybe some new perspectives might help. My uncle (married to my paternal aunt) recently signed our grandparents'/his house over to my sister - none of this was openly discussed with my brother or me. I think my sister should have openly discussed this and we should have come together as a family as it was the house our grandparents built. She thinks it was my uncle's choice and there was nothing she could do about it. She and her newlywed husband will be moving in soon. [b]They were renting before[/b] and this will be their home now with my uncle still living there with them.

Background - my paternal grandfather and grandmother built a house in the 1970s when they retired. They have both since passed. My dad's sister and her husband lived in the house since the mid-1990's (my father and his brother both passed away young). They moved in to take care of my ailing grandfather and have lived there ever since. My aunt and uncle have no children - my brother, sister and I are the only grandchildren.

My aunt worked hard as a social worker and my uncle is an artist who used to do carpentry but has not worked in a traditional job for the past 20 years. They (mostly my aunt) kept the house in beautiful shape and the neighborhood has become quite popular. My brother lives in the same state - but is not super involved in our side of the family (spends more time with his wife's family). He and my uncle are not close. My then single sister moved back to the state from NYC (where she had lived for 15 years) when my aunt was diagnosed with cancer about 2 years ago. [b]She moved in with my aunt and uncle and helped out a lot as my aunt was sick and passed away. My uncle and sister are close[/b] - as I said she lived with them while my aunt was dying and stayed after for a few months until she moved in with her fiance- now husband (it was a whirlwind romance/elopement). I live in DC area with my husband and two kids. My aunt and I were very close and I have always gotten along with my uncle. The house is special to me as I had lived there in high school with my grandfather - had my high school graduation party there, had my wedding reception there, and spent a lot of time with my aunt and uncle when I lived in the state ( I moved away about 8 years ago).

I understand that I could not live in the house - and I understand that it makes sense that my sister live there. But - why not share the financial benefits of the house with my brother and I? OUr family is not wealthy and this is one clear family inheritance. Why is it now just her house? Am I being selfish? At the heart of it is that it was all done without talking to me or my brother about it. She called to talk about which wine glasses or dinnerware I wanted and I found out that way that my uncle had already signed the house over to her. I know I need to get past this for our relationship - any advice on how to do so? [/quote]

It makes total sense that your uncle would give her the house.  Dividing the ownership of a home rarely works out well.  If she wants to sell and you don't, for instance.  Plus, your sister will be bearing the financial responsibility for an old house--would you be willing to pay the costs of home maintenance for a house you don't live in?  [/quote]

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