Reply to Is it OK to tell DD that it is OK not to be pretty?

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Reply to "Is it OK to tell DD that it is OK not to be pretty?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How old is she? Is this a topic that she's introduced in any way? [/quote]

Yeah, more context. 12 and complaining that she is not pretty. [b]And the automatic "of course you are" is maybe all that is needed[/b]. I had directed the conversation to all her strengths and talents in a way that I think was smooth. And asked why it is coming up (to make sure it is not a result of some experience or conversation), she responds it is just from looking at recent pics of herself. But I am just thinking philosophically, why do we have to be beautiful? And is there some other way of building her up?[/quote]This has probably been said by now but this approach has the danger of running roughshod over her feelings and encouraging her to be quiet without resolving anything.  I'd listen to her first, as in reflective listening like "Sounds like you feel pretty bad about this." Then let her talk for a bit so she knows that it's okay to tell her mom she feels crappy about this and that mom doesn't have to be protected from the kid's crappy feelings. Then you maybe you can talk about the way you've handled it and help her see a different perspective.  But let her talk through the feelings with you first.

BTW I say this as someone who wasn't particularly beautiful when they were young but who is having a fabulous time now.  There are all these posts on DCUM from people who feel invisible as they grow older because they're used to looking young and beautiful.  I don't suffer from that at all because I never had it.  I wish I could bottle this and give it to every insecure teenager - or go back in time and give it to myself!

But here's the thing.  Acknowledge her feelings first.  Make sure she doesn't feel like she has to make mom feel better.

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